Are You SELFISH For Being A Bachelor?

At some point every confirmed bachelor will get hit with this one—you are being ‘selfish’ for not marrying and having children. But does this claim stand up to any real scrutiny?

The idea that married couples with kids are somehow more selfless and giving than bachelors is logically flawed for many reasons, but perhaps most significantly we should question why people have kids in the first place.

Let’s be under no illusions here. If you think the majority of people who have families do so ‘for the good of society’, or in order to make the world a better place, then you are naive. The truth is that people get together and procreate largely for selfish reasons.

You can tell this by the responses you get if you even suggest that the playboy bachelor life is a viable alternative. ‘But aren’t you worried about the future? What if you die a lonely old man, alone?’

There is zero doubt that this is an entirely selfish reaction to the issue. If your whole rasion detre for gettting married and popping out kids is simply you don’t want to be alone later in your life then you are clearly not thinking about the ‘good of society’. You are thinking about yourself. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that—-we are all selfish in one way or another. But let’s not kid ourselves that having a family is a huge gesture of generosity.

Yes, sacrifice is required. Yes, it takes many, many hours over many days, weeks, months, years and decades to raise kids. But in most cases the people putting that time in made the decision to do so in order to improve their lives—or at least, in order to fulfill their biological imperative.

Family responsibility is an imposition that people take on willingly because they want the trade off—they want to be loved, to be cared for when they are older, to have the pleasure of watching their children grow up and so on.

Again, there’s nothing inherently ‘wrong’ with any of this. But let’s not call it selflessness. 

The Good Of Society

Another important point to consider is the degree to which any of us is morally compelled to act ‘for the good of society’ anyway. As I noted earlier, there is no contract where you sign on the bottom line and promise to act only for the good of the herd.

Yes, some might argue that there is an unwritten requirement for you to do so.

But it is precisely that kind of thinking that separates winners from losers.

If you are a loser, you will naturally follow groupthink. You will naturally do what you think other people want or expect you to do, because you won’t want to ‘rock the boat’. You won’t want to engender bad feeling. You want to pass through life making as little noise or upset as possible.

Fine. Do that if you want. But recognise as you do that you are giving into comfort. And the more that you give in to comfort, the less extraordinary a life you will have.

When you consider the greatest geniuses, thinkers, writers, composers, billionaires, Gs, playboy lifestylers, and so on, all of them have one thing in common: on some level they didn’t give a flying fuck about society. On some level they were all selfish as fuck.

Is that a nice, commendable quality to have? No, of course not. But the choice is yours—do you want to be a nice guy with a mediocre life, or do you want to be a fucking G?

If the latter sounds preferable to you then you need to take a serious look at the compromises you are making in your life in the quest for comfort.

Energy

Now, let’s back up a little bit here. Am I saying that having a wife and kids is incompatible with bossing it and doing amazing things? No, of course I’m not. People can and do do both.

But here’s the thing: getting into a serious, hardcore relationship takes up a lot of time and energy. A ton of it. We KNOW that already, don’t we? How? Because the trad cons tell us themselves all the time.

‘Relationships take a lot of work. You can’t just expect to have the perfect relationship without working on it . . . ‘

And so on.

If this is true—-and let’s face it, since monogamy is not workable long-term anyway, as it runs counter to our biology, then it makes sense that a lot of diplomacy and negotiation is required it almost certainly is—then you have a BIG question to ask yourself. Do you give in to received notions of what you ‘should’ do, like every other loser in the history of the world has done? Or do you change path to do something more extraordinary instead?

Most guys reading this while, I’m sure, not think of themselves as average and they won’t aspire to be average in any way. Most guys reading this will want to be thought leaders, warriors, great artists, travellers, millionaires or whatever.

Well, fine. But think it through logically. Is expending all of your time on a relationship that may not work out anyway really the best way to go?

A wise man once said to me, achieve your dreams first, before getting married. And in my own personal experience, having a full-time, live-in girlfriend is extremely detrimental to actually getting work done.

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