Would You Rather Regulate The Sexual Marketplace Than Improve Yourself?

There is a strange dichotomy at the heart of the conversation around sex and relationships: men who would otherwise identify as conservatives are very keen to argue for communist-style regulation of the sexual marketplace in the form of enforced monogamy (i.e. marriage).

It is amusing to see men who would otherwise regard themselves free-market buccaneers who oppose big government and state intervention, to be so keen on them when it comes to protecting their pussy investments.

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha reveals how, far from being the default, monogamy was pretty much unknown in pre-agricultural societies. Instead, polygamy was the norm, and children were raised communally.

By being able to fuck a selection of guys rather than just one, women were able to leverage ‘sperm wars’ to ensure the best genes for their offspring.

And the kids benefitted too—because of the natural doubt over parentage, several of the men would have a vested interest in looking after them. Rather than having just one father, they would have many. 

The problem with this scenario, of course (and one that is not really touched upon by Ryan and Jetha) is that not all men would have had equal access to sex. Quite the contrary, in fact. With women as the choosers (nothing unusual there) then naturally the most attractive and, yes, ‘alpha’ men would have been favoured.

Monogamous marriage came into vogue during the agricultural revolution (between 10,000 and 2000 BC). It was an initiative devised largely to remove complexity from the issue of parentage: after all, if you have land and property to pass on, then there is an incentive for you to be certain about who your children are.

Monogamy also had the useful additional benefit of sorting out the problem of sexual inequality—now, with a ‘one woman for one man’ system in place, even the most hopeless case guy was in with a decent shot of getting some sex and some attendant female attention.

The monogamy system lasted—imperfectly—for a few thousand years, until, in the 20th and 21st centuries, it started to break down.

Infidelity

Well, it was inevitable. As I said, monogamy was always imperfect—you can read all about cheating wives in Juvenal, later Shakespeare, and then Flaubert—but the 20th century, and in particular the sexual revolution of the 1960s, which came about with the introduction of the contraceptive pill, broke the mould sufficiently for semi-open polygamy to come into vogue once again.

I say ‘semi-open’: what I mean by that is we are now in the strange situation where doublethink rules the day. Where on the one hand we see people on Instagram daily celebrating their flashy and expensive weddings. And where on the other hand we all know someone who has had an affair, or is having an affair, or has divorced their partner.

In other words, we accept theoretically the notion that infidelity and marriage breakdown happens a lot—but we only countenance the idea that it happens to ‘other people’, not to us and our friends.

(Until it does happen to us and our friends.)

But as I say, the fact that infidelity is such an open secret means that in practice what we are seeing is a covert ‘new polygamy’ in ascendence.

The Sexual Marketplace In Chaos

It need hardly be said that this has only been aided and abetted by emergent technology like dating sites, smartphones and dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble and so on. These days, the ease with which you can meet someone new is frankly astonishing, with even semi-attractive girls bombarded with messages and dick pics as soon as they open an account and upload a couple of pictures.

Broadly speaking, the sexual marketplace is in chaos and there are two ways of looking at this—as a terrible, immoral problem to be fought, or as an opportunity.

And this reflects precisely the split we see today in men’s discourse—the schism between tradcon, rightist voices, and players. Unfortunately, the former are fighting a losing battle, whereas the latter prefer to find a way to thrive, regardless of the circumstances.

Because here’s the truth. The trad guys are sitting their crying about hypergamy and all of that jazz, banging on about Christianity and family values and ‘healthy relationships™, and seeking to reeducate women about who they should fuck (i.e. trad guys). But it’s rather like the story of King Canute (of the North Sea Empire of England, Denmark and Sweden) sitting by the sea shore and commanding the tide not to wet his sandals or robes.

Inevitably, he was soon soaked.

Sex

Furthermore, the trad’s preference is for regulation rather than for self-improvement. So instead of thinking ‘how do I become the kind of guy who gets girls, and cleans up in the sexual marketplace?‘ he thinks ‘How dare those chads go around swooping all the hotties? Let’s push the M&M narrative (marriage and monogamy) in an effort to turn back the clock to the 1950s and prevent them from doing so‘.

It need hardly be said that this is a futile course of action. But it is also one that abdicates personal responsibility, preferring to leverage social and legal pressure over interpersonal sex relations.

Here’s the truth—any man can get all of the sex he wants already. He can learn game. He can improve his value. He can approach more women (because almost every guy I know is not approaching enough). He can travel to a different country, where the sexual marketplace is more receptive to him.

There is always a way to win in the market, if you are resourceful.

Hell, you can even pay for sex as a last resort, if you want.

The trouble is, a lot of men are unwilling to take these steps, because of laziness, lack of balls, or a misplaced sense of entitlement: ‘No! Why should I have to do game like a dancing monkey?! I should get the sex I want with a hot, faithful girl . . .  just because!‘

It goes without saying that many of the exact same men who have this attitude would decry welfare payments to people out of work, just as they would oppose the government propping up failing businesses.

So why should state intervention in the form of marriage be allowed to prop up their failing sex lives?

Instead of complaining about ‘the decline of Western civilisation™’ men are far better advised to seize the opportunities that present themselves. Sex is, after all, far more available now than it ever has been at any other time.

Plus, as I’ve argued before, men don’t really want monogamy anyway—in fact, they would rather have sex with a variety of different attractive girls.

So rather then crying over what you regard as societal problems that you’re not going to change (which are really only indicators that monogamy was always broken), it’s far better to be honest about what you really want, work on yourself and take advantage of the huge opportunities that are present today instead.

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