I was at a party, a gathering for colleagues from a university course I’d been on.
She showed interest – in game terms, she gave me IOIs (indicators of interest): big eyes, proximity, she came over to talk to me, etc.
She gave me, in other words, a window of opportunity to speak to her. She gave me a shot at attracting her. The lights were green. All I had to do was start the car and drive.
I failed, dear reader. I smiled, opened my mouth and . . . I couldn’t think what to say.
‘Erm . . . so what do you do?’ I eventually tried.
‘You want to talk to me about my job?’ she said.
She was visibly disappointed.
Well, we got into some small talk. But her attraction to me had taken a nosedive. She soon excused herself. Later I saw her talking to another dude. I think they left together.
Those interactions really sting – when you’ve messed it up, I mean – because you KNOW that you should have been victorious. And yet you weren’t.
You fluffed it.
But what I experienced here is something that probably 95% of men have experienced at one time or another – not knowing what to say to a woman.
There’s no easy silver bullet to solve this.
Yes, you can learn a bunch of lines and stories off the internet. But my memory has never been that great, and anyway, ‘canned’ material sounds like exactly that – canned material.
Sure, as you talk to more women and dive into more unfamiliar social situations generally then your verbal dexterity will improve.
In fact, my advice to you if this resonates at all, is that you need to get out there and start approaching more women.
I’ve been doing this for years and I still target myself to approach 100 new girls per month.
Conversation Subtext
But beyond that, what you need to understand is the power of subtext.
You see, conversation is only partly about what is being said. It’s far more about what isn’t being said.
What do I mean by that?
Well look, when guys ask me ‘what do I talk to girls about?’ I’m inclined to tell them that they already know the answer.
Chads chatting up stunners in nightclubs. Are they coming out with some amazing, incomprehensible conversational techniques from outer-space?
No, of course they’re not.
They’re talking about regular things: stupid stuff people do, sex, work, sports, relationships etc.
The difference is the way the chad approaches these conversations.
He uses every opportunity available to him to tease the girls he meets.
And in teasing them, he turns the volume up on male-female polarity.
A small example of this. Say you ask her what she does, and she says she’s a lawyer. The average dude will go logical and factual: ‘oh really? My friend / neighbour / family connection is a lawyer. They say XXX’
This kind of thing is fine for regular conversation. But it’s not good for flirtation.
The flirtatious chad would look for a way to twist what’s been said so that he can position the girl speaking as a naughty troublemaker who is hitting on him.
For example: ‘Ah so are you going to take me to court for being a bad boy? Or do you kinda like it?’
OK, that example is a little strong for dinner party chat, but in a club setting it could work fine.
You see what I’m getting at, anyway.
It’s not so much WHAT you talk about as HOW you talk about it.
Your aim is to give each conversation a sexual subtext.
How you get there is threefold: knowledge of the technique, quick-thinking creativity and practice.
Over time you will gain the skills you need. But there are no shortcuts to the ‘practice’ part.
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