I was out with a coaching client doing some daygame the other day, and we decided to go into a big department store for practice.
In part, this was simply to escape the cold, biting winds that constitute a London spring. But more importantly, this particular client, while having a good level of confidence for meeting girls through cold approach in the street, was less experienced – and therefore more nervous – about doing so in stores.
Such reticence is common, and the reasons for it are not hard to determine. It comes down to the so-called ‘spotlight effect’, which increases exponentially when you’re inside a shop with all of its security guards, retail assistants, other shoppers and so on.
As soon as the daygamer steps into a store from the street it as as though the stakes have gone up hugely. Now he is not quite so anonymous anymore. Now, he is more likely to be challenged (or so he thinks) by store security or a manager.
The disquiet that he feels impacts negatively on his game. Put simply, when you are worried that other people are listening to you, it’s likely you will open girls less strongly than you otherwise would.
And in the confines of the store there’s a danger your approach will come across as timid, faltering and generally not particularly impressive.
Remember, as a rule the more strongly you approach the more successful that approach will be.
The irony with this phenomenon, of course, is that 9 times out of 10 the consequences of you doing an in-store approach will be absolutely zero.
Those security guards aren’t interested in you. They’re looking for people who are stealing things. And those other shoppers are simply hunting for bargains.
As @PUA_DATING_TIPS often says on Twitter, if you’re going to do an approach anyway you might as well really COMMIT to that approach.
Too many of us – myself included – will half-ass an approach. Go in too softly or too diffidently, even in the knowledge that this is harming our chances.
‘Well, at least I spoke to her’, we will say to ourselves later, by way of consolation.
Really, of course, we should have thrown caution to the wind and approached boldly, come what may.
But we fluffed it. And – because of that aforementioned ‘spotlight effect’ – this is even more likely to happen in a store than on the street.
As with so many things in game and dating, there’s no easy answer to this other than to feel the fear and do it anyway.
And to remind yourself, when you’re doing an approach, that look, if you’re going to get rejected anyway, you might as well go down with all guns blazing.
Block Everything Out
The trick is to block out your surroundings as much as you can. To disregard the people around you, to walk up to the girl you like and to say hello confidently and boldly. To tell her you find her attractive and you want to get to know her. To be upfront, direct and honest.
Faltering and fiddling around only make you look weak and nervous – and that, as we all know, is the precise opposite of what women want. So do yourself a favour and act ‘as if’ you are that supremely confident guy you always wanted to be.
After a while it will become second nature, and something silly like a posh department store will no longer faze you.
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