I’m aware that I frequently come across online as a nihilistic bugger, particularly on Twitter
(If you follow me there. If you don’t, it’s probably not advisable!)
But in real life I’m not like that at all. And if my session filming infields the other day showed me anything, it’s that there’s perhaps been a disconnect between the way I present my attitudes to dating and socialising, and the reality of it.
I don’t want to come over all hippy-dippy here . . . but I’m going to anyway!
When you approach a girl for the first time and talk to her, it has to come from the heart.
Meaning you have to share authentically of yourself.
You have to spread the love.
Yep, I told you I was gonna go hippy on your ass.
Come on Troy, you’re saying—where’s the sex dungeons! The darkness?!
Where’s the asshole game?
Well, the truth of the matter is that to be effective in dating you have to balance several opposing things at the same time.
- No, you can’t be the ‘nice guy’
- Yes, being an ‘asshole’ helps
However . . .
- You must also remember that, outside of the ‘game’, the girls you are interacting with are human beings who warrant love and respect, as we all do.
Plus . . .
- A man who has a degree of warmth about him will often outperform the stone-cold psycho ‘alpha’ simply because comfort (to a certain extent) is a necessary ingredient in the seductive mix.
In other words, you need to be, as Tom Torero coined it, a ‘nice bad boy’.
You need to internalise bits of both.
And it needs to come through when you interact with new girls.
Being The Nice Bad Boy
What does this mean in practice?
Well, it’s difficult to describe—and perhaps this is where my upcoming video project will help a lot. But fundamentally the character that I’m ‘playing’ when meet new girls day or night is ‘English gentleman with an edge‘.
By that I mean that I am polite and well-spoken and yes, nice—to an extent.
(In fact, I am often overly-gallant in a humorous way, but that’s for another article).
At the same time, everything about my sub-communication (which tends towards the sexual) indicates that I am interested in her in a man-to-woman way, that I don’t take any shit and that I am not a pushover.
This can be a delicate balance to maintain—and to be honest, if you’re having difficulties you should probably veer towards the asshole side of things.
But overall, I have found that emanating warmth on the approach will get you a better reception than not.
After all, girls are drawn to positive energy like anyone else.
Yes, the ‘dark triad man’ is hugely attractive.
But a psycho is not . . . he’s just scary.
What you have to do if you want to achieve the highest degree of success is combine both opposing properties . . . in whatever way is most congruous for your particular style and personality.
And if you really are a nihilistic, cold dude, then try tempering that sensibility with a little warmth.
You’ll be amazed how much girls open up to you, and the better responses you will get.
If, at its simplest level, we can define game as flirting with intent, then it stands to reason that there should be some lightness in your approach. This is why the guys who make like James Bond and look all moody in the bar go home alone while dudes who are humorous and chatty do well.
Which reveals another important layer of this lesson: don’t allow your desire to be an ‘internet alpha’ to act as a buffer to you going for and getting the real-life results you desire.
You can currently buy all 8 of my game / dating books in a bundle called The Renegade Dating Blueprint for just $35 (total value $250) here.
To read more about modern dating, go here.
I agree with the points raised here.
I would go so far as to say that teaching someone who is a bit nihilistic and grumpy to do all the “asshole game” and “bad boy stuff” you see in PUA teaching is damaging rather than helpful – they just end up turning into psychos.
I reckon it’s better to teach colder men how to be empathetic and warm.