Men need to stop worrying about female hypergamy and look at themselves for a minute.
Yes, hypergamy (the tendency for females to ‘trade up’ for a better, more ‘alpha’ guy) and its consequences—infidelity and broken marriages—is a problem.
But most men are dishonest and won’t admit to the blinding truth: they don’t really want monogamy at all.
What they really want is one-sided polygamy where they get to fuck around while the wife stays faithful.
When I Tweeted some comments along these lines at the weekend I got a lot of feedback from both men and women. Most were in broad agreement with me.
There were also a couple of low-IQ fucktards who accused me of ‘purple pill thinking’ or of ‘white knighting’. Of course, when we come into contact with individuals whose level of comprehension is so dangerously low we can only pray for them.
It need hardly be said (but I’ll say it anyway) that exonerating females from ‘blame’ is not my agenda. On the contrary, my position is clear: long-term monogamy is unworkable as a result of both female AND male nature.
And before you ask, I don’t intend to get into some kind of pissing contest about who is ‘more’ to blame because (a) it would be a waste of time, and (b) ‘blame’ is not really the right word anyway. Human nature is amoral. People act how they act because of thousands of years of evolutionary conditioning.
There should be no moral judgement on that which is innate in our species.
Hypocrites
So here’s the thing. For a long time, men in the so-called ‘red pill’ space have had a tendency to trash women because of their hypergamy—that is, their tendency to want to fuck and marry the highest quality men available.
While to be fair most guys have taken on board the idea that in order to ‘get’ a really attractive girl to onus is on him improve himself so that he is the best version of himself possible, nevertheless, a lot of anger (passive or overt) is still directed at women.
Women’s sexual nature—it is argued by some—is a root cause for the ‘decline of Western Civilisation™’ since it leads to the breakup of marriages and families blah blah blah.
And so the argument is that female nature needs to be controlled (by the return of ‘the patriarchy™’) in order to protect monogamy and marriage, which, combined, is the best model for child-rearing and a stable, prosperous, civilised society.
Make sense, right? Except men are hypocrites, because the truth of the matter is men don’t really want monogamy at all. They want to have their cake and eat it. They want to marry a woman who is sexually faithful to them (because muh cuckolding™) who looks after the home and raises the kids.
And then they want the freedom to fuck a bunch of other girls on the side.
OK, in some cases that may be a workable model. But it sure as hell isn’t ‘monogamy’. And rarely if ever do you see a ‘red pill’ man confront or discuss this blindingly obvious truth.
What is most disconcerting about this is not the hypocrisy of it, which is more amusing than anything else. What really troubles me is that men are doing themselves a disservice by not admitting (even internally) what it is they actually want.
And of course if you don’t set down your goals in advance then you are very likely not to achieve them.
One of the most damaging things about the new rightist Christian puritanism we have seen sweep men’s blogs and forums over the past few years is that it is pushing impressionable young men in a direction that, for the most part, they don’t really want to go in.
Which is a disaster.
Hot, Nubile Young Chicks
Think about this. You have some big-name blogger constantly pushing the idea that ‘modern Western women are thots™’, that traditional marriage is the correct moral choice, and that furthermore it is the only one that can possibly save ‘Western civilisation™’. So then this young 18 year-old guy thinks ‘right, I’d better get married and have kids, then.’
A good outcome? Fuck no. Because as I’ve said, the truth of the matter is that men don’t really want monogamy—they want to fuck a bunch of hot (nubile, young) chicks. The male imperative for sexual variety is inbuilt, intractable and fierce.
Any man who tells you that he would not fuck another woman other than his wife if he could do so without being found out is a liar.
Force a young man into a monogamous marriage for the ‘good of society™’ and he will have to repress his natural instincts somehow. And repression is never a good idea.
Maybe he’ll be successful. Maybe he will remain faithful to his wife—many men do, after all. But will he be happy? Will he have lived the life that he actually wanted to live, rather than one someone else bullied him into living?
(Of course, even if he does everything right and is the perfect, faithful husband, there are no guarantees that his wife won’t simply get bored of him after a few years and leave. Around 70% of divorces are initiated by women, so this is by no means unlikely).
What Do YOU Really Want?
What a young man (or any man) should do is sit down and consider what he really wants out of his sex life.
In most cases, if he’s honest with himself, he will want to meet and fuck a succession of attractive women.
And even if he wants a wife, the (oft-unspoken) reality is that he will want to fuck around a little on the side as well.
That being the case, instead of buying into some BS puritanical propaganda online, he should figure out how he can construct a life where he’s able to meet and fuck many different girls.
Seriously—this is not rocket science.
That life will not include traditional marriage. It might well include travel. It may require location independence. He will probably want to be self-employed.
He will need to learn the rudiments of how to meet and attract women (game). He will have to acquire the tools necessary to deal with the emotional ups and downs of meeting and leaving more women than most other men.
He will have to become self-reliant and impervious to the criticisms he may receive from ‘normie’ society.
He will have to learn how to deal with loneliness, and find ways to get affection (which we all need) outside a marriage—from friends, from female friends, relatives, mentors and so on.
He will also need to find some spiritual basis for his life, whether that’s involvement with a traditional religion, or simply regular meditation.
No man is an island, and no man should attempt to be one.
Hypergamy is a problem, no doubt—it always has been (just read Victorian literature). But a bigger problem is that most men don’t actually want monogamy—they want to have their cake and eat it.
That some men pretend this is not the case to others and to themselves does not make it any less true.
If you’re a guy reading this and you are still unsure, try this. Imagine that suddenly, right now, you are gifted with all the fame and fortune that anyone could possibly want. We’re talking Leo DiCaprio levels here.
O.K. then, what would you do? Would you enter into a long-term, monogamous partnership with that girl you met in high school, and have arguments over whose turn it is to do the vacuuming.
Or would you have a little fun for a while. Travel, and meet some of the hottest women the world has to offer? Russians, Brazilians, Italians, Japanese . . . ?
I think we both know that answer. So why not find a way to organise your life so it looks a little more like the second option than the first?
It’s not an impossible dream. In fact, it’s a lot more achievable than you think.
To find out more, sign up for my free four-part course The Renegade Playbook here.
To learn more about the illusion of intimacy go here.
Hello,
Love the content, great work.
Here is the dirty little secret about hypergamy that gets glossed over. Without it as a species we never even make it to 2018 or possibly out of the caves.
A woman’s innate ability to dispense a Man In a descent, and latch onto a Man in ascent seemingly without a hiccup has insulated us as a species.
For 1,000’s of years life has been so incredibly hazardous, if a Woman lost a mate and was incapable of getting over him and moving on, the deceased Mans children would have starved and died and her as well.
This feature of our species has been replicated, reproduced and grown to be the single prime operating system that saves us & our offspring from the countless tragedies that Men face.
Instead of pointing a crooked finger at a primal defense system that has made us what we are today, we need to look at it more constructively if we want solutions.
Hypergamous behavior is predictable. Absolutely linear. What do we know about it? We know that Women ditch Men in a descent(for the purposes of female behavior descent is also level flight) for men in ascent. This is easy enough, be ruthless in your pursuit of the best version of yourself, make your descent, controllable and predictable and recover as soon as possible.
The 2nd part of hypergamy was a defense mechanism against great bodily harm or death during a rape. The woman’s ability and hidden desire to submit to powerful Men allowed them to lubricate the vagina, despite huge reservations. Making them easily and painlessly utilized for male release. Once the male shrunk back into his skin, he was practically harmless to the woman during his refractory period.
How do we as Men utilize this facet, the deepest darkest places in the women’s soul, the secret desire to be taken?
We take our women. We bend them and their primal sexual self into submitting to us sexually, we don’t get caught up in the fact that she may or may not be faithful. We ruthlessly exploit the hidden desires giving their prime operating system food and nourishment.
Its not rocket science. Its evolution.
Ultimately, men have to choose which outcome will make them unhappier: having fewer sex partners, or “muh cuckolding.” Because we really can’t have our cake and eat it, too; by choosing one path, we always forfeit the other. And if marriage continues to persist despite your most persuasive efforts, Troy, perhaps this is the reason why.
And, no matter how much one works and tries, some men will always be better off than others. Saying that every guy can have access to that kind of life is simply stupid. And that is why monogamy is the best, because almost every man has some sex.
Yes, that’s true – but that is how the free market operates.
Everyone has the ability to improve themselves.
And regulating the market doesn’t really work anyway, as we see from high divorce levels (70% initiated by women) and high rates of infidelity.