The terms introvert and extrovert are bandied around a great deal but I’m not sure how useful they are. I’m basically an introvert—I certainly was when I was a kid—but years in the game, as well as years of working in sales, have forced me to develop extrovert tendencies.
These days I can walk into a party and introduce myself to people, speak in front of large audiences, appear on YouTube and so on without breaking a sweat. But it’s not my preferred mode.
A lot of the time I spend alone working. When I go out into the world to ‘mix’ with other people it tends to be in very narrow, constrained circumstances. Generally speaking this means that I will either meet people for one-on-ones, or I will go to public places where not a great deal of talking happens.
Today, for example, I went to Rio’s Spa in North London to meet a friend of mine. We spent most of the afternoon chatting about business and politics and so on. And although we were surrounded by other men and women, I hardly said a word to anyone else.
I also like to exercise, of course. So I go to the gym. But here, although similarly surrounded, I rarely speak to anyone.
Or I run, a totally solo activity.
I also go to recovery meetings. While I have a lot of friends who attend these too, they are also very prescribed: in fact fact often I will go, sit and listen and then come away again without having spoken to anyone.
In theory I could go for several days without speaking to anyone at all.
Then there’s my ‘game’ persona. Yes, I do go out and talk to women—a lot. But even here I would argue that my encounters are very . . . specific in their intent, and in their execution. That’s not to say that they lack improvisational quality, but they are certainly premeditated and designed to achieve a particular result.
Being self-critical, most of the way I relate to others is self-serving. By that I mean they have something that I want (sex, influence, sympathy, experience) so I seek them out to obtain it.
I feel bad about this sometimes, although I do wonder how many other people are the same way.
But I am making myself out to be a bad friend when I’m not. I am very loyal to friends. I will go out of my way for them. I will be available and help out where I can
But I am not naturally a big party guy. That doesn’t mean I can’t bring the party when necessary (I’ve been to Ibiza about twenty times!) It’s just that it’s not my default setting.
How does this impact on my ability to meet girls?
I’ve been able to do enough work on myself in the last twenty years that I am able to get by very well. I can act the extrovert. I can approach, I can dominate groups, and even AMOG other guys from time to time.
But my feeling is that if I were more gregarious my results would be even better than they have been. There are advantages to hanging with a pack, particularly one of well put-together guys, that gives one a halo effect in the sexual marketplace.
But that said, I would prefer to follow my own inclinations than to try to transform myself entirely. So if you are an introvert then don’t despair. My best game sessions have all been solo. And Tom Torero among other well-known players recommends going out solo.
As long as you are able to get out of yourself enough to hold a basic conversation then all will be well.
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