Several guys have asked me recently about gym game—is it possible, is it advisable, and if so how best to go about it? To answer the first two points, yes it’s possible and yes it’s advisable—depending on the set-up in your particular gym.
Like most men who are reading this—I hope—I go to the gym regularly, and have been for many years. Given that all the gyms I’ve been a member of have been unisex I’ve encountered a lot of attractive girls doing so. And being into game, I haven’t wasted the opportunity to approach many of them.
Let’s deal with objections first. The most common reason I’ve heard guys give for not doing gym game is that they go there a lot and may see the girl again. It’s a variation on the ‘don’t shit where you eat’ rationale.
Actually, I think there is some validity in this. If you are really serious about your gym programme, which you should be, and you train at a venue where the customer base is small and you run into the same people time and again, then fair enough, it shouldn’t be your first port of call for pickup. Your focus should absolutely be on your physique and fitness first.
However, the truth is that most gyms have a fairly transient membership, especially in large cities. After all, the ‘new year’ effect is well known: you January recruits hogging the benches, free weights and machines for a month or so before they give up and things return to normal once more.
But this doesn’t just happen after Christmas. Gyms make a great deal of their money from people who take out membership subscriptions and then only attend once.
Perhaps as a consequence of this, in London at least, there have been several occasions where I’ve spotted a cute girl working out, and then used the excuse that ‘I’ll see her again another time’ not to approach. Inevitably, these girls have disappeared never to return.
It is down to the individual player to judge the degree of churn in his gym of choice, but you should at least be honest with yourself. I go to a fairly low-cost gym with branches all over the city. People can join up for a month with no commitment. And the population in London is transient, what with students, tourists, foreign workers and so on. As such the reality is that it is unlikely in the extreme that if I hit on a girl and she rejects me it’s going to have any major impact on my exercise regime. And even if this was a concern, I could always switch up things and visit at a different time of day.
You also need to consider what the worst that can happen is. If you approach her, she blows you out and then you see her again next week then so what? Just smile and go about your business.
Actually, precisely this happened to me recently. I attended some morning circuit training classes where I spotted this sexy Spanish girl in yoga pants. After the class I approached and got talking to her. I told her she was cute and I’d like to take her out sometime. She said she was flattered but she had a boyfriend who she was living with and they were going to go travelling together soon. And that was that, until I saw her again several weeks later. When she spotted me, far from it being embarrassing she broke out into a huge smile and came over to say hi.
This is an aspect of ‘rejection’ that isn’t acknowledged enough. Just because you approach a girl and it doesn’t go anywhere doesn’t mean she will automatically hate you as long as you didn’t act in a creepy way.
And that really is the key to gym game: don’t be creepy. Actually that applies to any kind of game, but it’s particularly important in a situation where girls feel more self-conscious because of what they’re wearing, not having make-up on and so on.
How To Approach
In terms of how and when to approach, I’ve tried all kinds of things. I’ve approached girls on exercise bikes, on treadmills, on the mats, on rowing machines and so on. Surprisingly, quite a number of these approaches have worked. I met long-term girlfriend on a running machine at Virgin Active in Kensington, and I met a very busty young Moroccan girl who was doing weights in a Fitness First in Victoria.
My preferred method these days is to hold off until she’s finished whatever exercise she was doing. People always walk around in gyms so there is usually a good moment, you just have to be vigilant and ready to go. Chatting to her by the water fountain, the vending machine or outside the exercise class works well.
What to say? I always keep it simple and direct. Avoid the old trick of ‘advising’ the girl on her form, or how to properly execute a lift. It looks cheesy and hell and she’ll see right through it.
Instead, my strategy is pretty much the same as with any other form of daygame—I go up, introduce myself, chat briefly and then take her contact details. Once I have her phone number or Facebook profile then she is ‘in the pipeline’ and I can progress with text game.
A typical gym opener I’d use then would be a simple ‘Hey, I was over there on the bench press and I couldn’t help notice you’re pretty cute, so I had to come over and say hi.’ Of course, you should deliver this with a cheeky smile and a twinkle in your eye. You want her to intuit that you’re a ladies man who has done this successfully before.
With any luck she will be flattered and laugh, which will buy you a little conversation time. This you should use to lightly tease her. ‘So are you training for the Women’s Powerlifting Championships’, or similar works well.
Once you’ve been chatting for a while say something like ‘Look, I know you’re busy getting muscles bigger than Madonna and I’ve got to shoot. Let’s exchange numbers and talk high-protein diets and skull-crushers over drinks later in the week’.
Once you have her number (and it’s always worth carrying your phone with you in the gym for this purpose) politely excuse yourself and get on with your workout. Don’t look back at her in an effort to check out her ass as she leaves. Just return to the weights bench and ping her later.
As always, discretion is key. If someone else was watching the two of you then they shouldn’t be able to guess that you were hitting on her. And, as always, cheekiness, humour and concision are your friends.
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Man, you’re always writing about things I’ve recently thought about. I was at the gym yesterday and I was thinking about how smart it is to approach women there since these women often are really fit and they are surrounded by men who have top physiques and probably get hit on a lot, too. Since I’m still 50kg overweight, I don’t think going direct is the best way for me to approach these women. Generally I’ve shied away from direct approaches in general, I wanna try them out again, but that’s probably the worst place for me to do that. But I’ll keep an out in the gym. Biggest problem then for me is probably that I actually do wanna focus on my workout first and foremost, so I’ll see.
I tried some direct approaches at the gym today and 2 days ago.
2 days ago, I was sitting in a small room when a nice girl entered. I had the thought to approach directly in my head for a couple of workout sessions, but always pussied out. Maybe it helped that I was in a different city. So when this girl entered I just said “hi”. She said “hi”. I said “You look nice.” I was sitting at a machine, doing the exercise. It might’ve looked awkward but I was gonna say it that way or not at all, I knew it. She pretty much ignored that remark and went to her machine. I didn’t know what to say, I assumed she just wanted to work out in peace, so when I was done, I said “bye”, she said “bye”, I said “Have fun” and she giggled and possibly murmured something I couldn’t understand. Don’t know if it was my position, the fact the she was approaching a machine, or just a total normal reaction, that I shouldn’t even think about.
Then today, the first girl I “approached” was a Turkish-looking girl, really hot, dark hair, nice ass, cute. She got off the treadmill, walked here and there, walked up to a trashbin near me, and I said “Excuse me” and waited for her to come to my side. I gasped, because I was on the crosstrainer working out, and then said “I just wanted to say… you look really nice.” She flashed a smile, said thank you and walked off. My first thought was maybe it’s not a good idea to get the girl to come up to me, because I don’t get her to stop, or maybe I should’ve kept talking immediately and not wait for her response, in order to keep her there? But maybe it was just the kind of reaction I would’ve gotten either way.
Tried 2 more direct approaches. A girl was walking towards me, I said “hi”, she kept walking, turned her head and said “hi” back with a confused look. I said “You look nice”, she kept walking and I think she said something like “How do you know” in an angry tone. I later saw her lift heavy weights, so she was probably too muscular anyway.
And the last “girl” turned out to be a bit older than I first thought, which is something I only realized at the point of no return. Said she looked nice, she said thank you with a confused look and then walked to her machine.
So all in all nothing really, but at least I’ve tried direct approaches in the place I find worst for approaching, because the hot girls that go there must get hit on all the time.
But now I feel like direct approaches on the street are gonna be a lot easier for me. It can’t be worse than what I’ve seen today, so that’s gonna motivate me to go more direct in some cases. And I’m gonna keep an eye open for good chances to approach in the gym.
Hey man great work. Gym approaches are not the easiest so well done.
Here’s the thing – the whole situation is so I tend to cut to the chase quickly. Instead of just saying ‘you look nice’ (and by the way she probably doesn’t feel that cos no makeup, sweaty etc) I would say something more like ‘listen, I saw you and you look pretty cute and I just had to talk to you. What I noticed about you was XXXX’. Then make an observation that’s slightly teasing I.e. ‘you’re working out really hard. Are you training for a bodybuilding contest’. Or something stupid like that. But it has to come over as lighthearted.
Then say, ‘OK I got to go now but I’d really like to take you for a drink. What’s your number?’ That is, really put it on the line. Like in sales, ask for the deal.
Does that help?
Absolutely, I’ll try that next time.
I’m really starting to see an improvement in my game lately. For the last two days I’ve gotten numbers from my first approach of the day from cute 16-year-olds, and that has really made me risk more, get more touchy, kiss them on the cheeks when saying goodbye. Very positive responses. Stuff I didn’t think I could get away with. I approach more in more situations. Gonna do a longer daygame session tomorrow and try some direct stuff, too.
Thanks for your help.