You say ‘I tend to put everyone else’s needs above my own.’
That, in essence is your problem.
Guys get very hung up on talk about ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’. But these words are not entirely helpful in terms of seduction.
In seduction, what you need to be—or rather, what you need to communicate—is a strong essence of self-interest.
While that may sound selfish (as indeed it is) when you let others see that YOU are the most important thing in your world, and that they can either come along for the ride or not—it’s up to them—then paradoxically they are more likely to be drawn to you.
Mission
Put it this way—a man who is entirely consumed by his ‘mission’, whether that be making money, building a start-up, writing a book, or playing guitar for his band, is a damn sight hotter to women than the guy who is sitting at the end of the phone instantly responding to her WhatsApp messages.
For many men, the real issue that they have to grapple with is not that they are no good with women, but rather that they are so consumed in their desire for women that they think of little else and thus ‘pussify’ themselves in the process.
James Bond
Let’s take a classic ‘alpha’ screen character for a moment, James Bond. Yes, Bond is muscular, athletic, well-dressed and so on. But these things are not quite central to his attractiveness.
What is really attractive about Bond is that he is ruthlessly and infallibly fixated on his mission. This is evident every second he is on-screen, and in every interaction he has.
In fact, you might say that the source of Bond’s masculine energy is his mission. His single-minded obsession with ‘getting the job done’ means that nothing else—including women—get in the way.
Human beings are naturally most attracted to that which we cannot quite grasp hold of—that which seems within our grasp, but which subsequently eludes us. And the most attractive men have something of that mercurial aspect to them. They can’t be pinned down.
Take A Step Back
If you find that you are too sensitive with girls, that you are perceived as too caring, and that you suffer sexually as a result of these traits, then you need to take an immediate step back from the sexual marketplace while you recalibrate.
Specifically, what you must do is take time out to determine exactly what it is you want from life—outside of your love life.
- What are your ambitions?
- What do you want to achieve in your life?
- What is it you would like to have done so that, when you are laying on your deathbed, you can look back and think to yourself ‘yes, I did it.’
It might see a little extreme to invoke the image of death in an article about dating, but look, ‘this is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time‘, as it said in the movie.
Your life’s work really is that important. Everything else is secondary. Including women. If a woman wants to come along for the ride, then fine. If she doesn’t, then you have to extricate yourself from her.
In a nutshell, you must first be clear about your priorities in your own mind. This might require that you take time away for yourself from the dating scene so that you can ‘rediscover’ yourself.
Then, once you’ve done so, make a conscious decision that your own goals and needs will come first. There can be no wavering on this point. Once the decision it is made it is final.
Now, you can go back to dating again. But you will do so with an aura of ‘positive selfishness’. And the women you meet will sense it. ‘Yes, this man has his own agenda. His own priorities. His own life.‘
This will presage a subtle shift in power. Now, all of a sudden, your relative unavailability will make girls keener than ever to tie you down.
All of a sudden, you will find yourself the pursued rather than the pursuer.
As this trend continues, and becomes a constant, you will relax into the role. Now, instead of approaching girls worried about your lack of influence, instead you will simply expect them to be enamoured of you.
And that, my friend, is incredibly powerful.
Remember, what we believe we manifest. Finding your mission will shift your beliefs about yourself. Success in the sexual marketplace will follow as a direct result.
If you enjoy my writing here then you will love my daily email, which teaches dating techniques as well as online business, among other things. To sign up go here: Troy Francis Subscribers
If you want to live a life of freedom you will also very likely enjoy my course Personal Brand Mastery—read all about it here.
