OK, it’s late and I’m sitting up in bed wearing a Patrick Bateman-style cold compress mask typing this, so I’m going to keep things brief. But this is a topic which deserves much more in-depth consideration, so no doubt I’ll return to it again soon.
In the past couple of years we’ve seen a marked shift in the men’s dating scene (or at least, those locales where it is discussed online) where spirituality, and in particular Christianity, are being talked about a lot.
This is all part of a shift towards the right in politics and attitudes.Whereas 10 or 15 years ago guys would make websites teaching other guys how to meet girls, these days you’re just as likely to see the same men discussing philosophy, morals and religion.
Nothing wrong with that, of course. But it does rather beg the question – where are guys who simply want to enjoy themselves dating new girls meant to go now?
The most high-profile of the new converts is of course Roosh V, who today informed the users of his Roosh V Forum that they can no longer discuss fornication or pre-marital sex on the site.
Given that originally the whole point of the site was to discuss these things, this is a considerable volte face, to say the least.
For what it’s worth, I don’t have any particular issue with this. Roosh is entitled to do whatever he likes on his own forum, even though – as he himself concedes – it is likely to lose him followers.
I should also say that Roosh has always been very good to me personally. He gave me the opportunity to write for ROK back in the day, which springboarded my career in blogging and changed the course of my whole career. He is a professional guy who is warm and pleasant in real life, and he’s also a good writer.
I also understand Roosh’s reasons for doing what he is doing. His stated rationale is that because of his faith he can no longer countenance leading men into what he now regards as ‘sin’. As a result, he is acting with his conscience by changing the forum and unpublishing many of his old pickup books and he will do so come what may. The consequences – positive or negative – are in god’s hands, you might say.
All of which is fine. As I’ve said, it’s Roosh’s party and he can cry if he wants to.
But is it really necessary to make such a dramatic shift?
I don’t think so. As I’ve reached my 40s I’ve watched as other men around me, like Roosh, have renounced their former ways as prolific daters in search of ‘something more’. For some this is merely marriage and kids.
But you do get the sense in many cases that the desire for some form of spiritual succour is also present.
For me, the path has been somewhat different. I went into recovery for alcohol and drugs back when I was 27. And getting into a 12-step programme taught me that spirituality is an essential part of any healthy life.
As a result, throughout all of my years of dating and travel, I’ve also kept up spiritual practices in the background. By this I don’t mean regular church attendance (I am not affiliated with any particular religion). However, prayer and meditation are a daily practice for me, as well as other attempt to achieve conscious contact with a higher power of my understanding.
Perhaps this is why I have not had the sort of Damascene moment of conversion that we are seeing with Roosh and others in this space. Because I personally don’t believe that spirituality and a healthy sex life are mutually exclusive. On the contrary, I think they can co-exist happily. And so I don’t think it’s necessary to don sackcloth just because you have reached middle age. There are plenty of other ways to get close to god without denying yourself all of the pleasures of life.
This is my gut feeling. My kneejerk response. I know many guys won’t agree with me, and certainly my thesis requires more unpacking. But I don’t see spirituality as a kind of performance where you have to dress up in the accoutrements of sainthood – you can acquire it while still living the life you want, too.
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Roosh has always been a person of extremes lol. I’ve always appreciated him and consider him one of the most philosophical of the PUAs.
My path as a Christian has gone the opposite direction from Roosh’s (kind of). Though I’m not into “pickup” per se I don’t think traditional long term monogamy works either as I’m sure Roosh will find out.
I also don’t think the traditional view about fornication is correct Biblically either. The church really got off track in the 1st Century largely through the influence of Greek philosophical thought.
I wrote my Radical Christian Sexuality series (available through Amazon Kindle) to present what I think is the Biblical position. Like yourself I know recommend a more “relationship-lite” approach I call Romantic Friendships instead.
If you ever want to chat about any of this let me know! As always enjoy your insights and experiences.
Let’s see where Roosh heads next! 😉