On my recent trip to Kiev I met up with a friend and we got to talking about the impact of social media on the dating scene.
Surely game is harder now than it was 10, 15 years ago? He said. What with Instagram, Tinder and all of that.
I considered.
I’m not sure, I said. I guess it’s had an impact. But I still believe in the power of a direct, face-to-face approach. Meeting girls in real life still works.
Well, I stand by that statement.
But the question is, to what degree are things harder now than before, if that is indeed the case?
The realisation that Insta and Tinder have opened up the dating market and made it global is not new. Girls, we are told, are no longer confined to choosing the best males from their immediate geographical vicinity, because with social media they now have global reach.
To put it in simple terms, a girl sitting in a small village in Siberia would, just ten years ago, have had limited dating opportunities, unless she moved to a big city like Moscow.
But fast-forward to 2019, and if she posts enough hot bikini shots on Insta, then she could potentially attract the attention of a wealthy playboy from Miami, or New York, or the UAE.
Sliding into her DMs, these playboys can offer her riches and experiences beyond anything she’s ever known. First-class air tickets to exotic destinations. Moonlit parties on white yachts in the Mediterranean. Gala balls in the company of presidents and kings.
Even if our Siberian girl doesn’t avail herself of these opportunities, her standards and expectations will undoubtedly have been raised accordingly. Whereas before she might have accepted the local school teacher as a suitor, now, because of this Insta ‘inflation’ effect, she will probably see him as beneath her.
So where does this leave the enterprising bachelor looking to travel and meet ladies around the world? In theory it will limit his opportunities.
Whereas 15 / 20 years ago I might have been seen as a shiny new thing in Moscow, what with my British accent and London address, now, as a visitor, I am not just competing with local men, but also with ghostly digital playboys all over the planet.
To be frank, I was previously slightly skeptical of this train of thought. I could see its logic. But my somewhat bull-headed confidence in the power of direct approach game made me doubt that the problem was as severe as people made out.
Now I’m not so sure.
Just recently I’ve observed a couple of examples of this sort of thing that have made me sit up and take notice.
Digital Princesses
Exhibit A. Last year I was in St Petersburg and I got chatting to a girl giving out perfume sample in a Mall. Let’s call her Svetlana. Now, Svetlana was pretty, polite and quite sweet. Our exchange didn’t last for long, and I didn’t think much would come of it, but she did give me her Instagram to stay in touch.
Checking out her page later I saw that she was a twin, and that her sister was just as cute. I also noted that the twins (it was a shared account) had racked up something close to 100k followers by posting sexy pictures of themselves in swimwear and revealing evening attire.
Fast-forward to spring 2019. The twins have been in Dubai, and elsewhere in the UAE, for several months, and by the looks of things they are having a very good time. There are plenty of those blissful pictures where the girl (in a tiny bikini) is pushing herself up out of a luxury swimming pool in the sun with some cod-motivational message beneath it to ameliorate the raw sexuality of the image.
I don’t know why the twins are there, or what they are doing, but every picture they post screams ‘money’. They are doing things that are expensive, in expensive places, no doubt with expensive people.
And someone is footing the bill.
So how does a poorly-paid shop girl in St Petersburg go from trying to flog perfume to babushkas to partying it up in 7-star heaven?
Of course, I can’t say for certain that it was the twins’ Instagram account that took them to this happy nirvana. Perhaps they met some rich local dudes (although St Pete is not as monied as Moscow). But I wonder. And it is interesting to observe a life change so dramatically in the course of a few months.
Could the same thing have happened in the early 2000s?
Exhibit B. Just last week I met an attractive girl on Khreshchatyk in Kiev. We got chatting. It turned out that she had spent time in Dubai, working as a singer. Well, we exchanged details and agreed to meet up when I’m back in the city. Now, she is back in Dubai again for work.
Well, perhaps it is just work. But I wonder. As you see those sun-kissed photographs of these girls ‘living their best lives’ on the beach, you can’t help but speculate on who might be sponsoring them.
Going back to Svetlana, am I saying that I would have ben able to whisk her off her feet and romance her were it not for that pesky Instagram account? No. I would still merely have been another suitor within the continuum of her other sexual opportunities.
But when that continuum has been expanded almost infinitely by social media, then I have to concede that it doesn’t make the player’s task any easier. Even if the girl is not taking the air tickets and the champagne from other dudes, and he is just competing with her newly inflated sense of her own value.
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