I met up with Tom Torero in Essex last Friday, took a ferry overnight with him and his van to Holland, and then drove all day to Germany, finishing up in Hamburg for the Saturday night.
It was an eventful weekend to say the least.
Tom was on the first stint of his ‘Blacksheep Bandit’ Tour for 2019, driving up to Northern Europe before travelling into Russia to continue with his documentary project.
I was just along for the ride. Well, actually it had been my intention to travel on to Berlin, but events overtook me and I had to return to London for a meeting on Sunday.
But as I explained to Tom, a night out in Hamburg is not something anyone should miss, ever.
The Reeperbahn
And of course, when I say ‘Hamburg’, what I’m really talking about is the Reeperbahn. Because Hamburg really is a ‘tale of two cities’. On the one hand you have the centre: quiet, conservative, nicely laid-out and maintained, its period buildings a joy to behold.
And on the other hand, you have the Reeperbahn.
The Reeperbahn is a long street down by the docks that bisects a bunch of other, smaller streets where all manner of sin goes on. The Reeperbahn itself is basically a mile-long parade of sex shops, sex kinos, strip clubs and brothels. But there are also loads of regular bars and clubs where people go out to drink, party and get laid.
It’s like a strange mash-up between Blackpool and Amsterdam.
After the long drive we were both pretty tired (Tom more than me, I should imagine, since he was doing the driving). Nevertheless, after a short break we both hit the strip, keen to explore and view the depths of depravity going on there.
You walk down the long strip in the cool, spring air and take in a dizzying wealth of neons, from the fairground at the top to the foyers of all of the lowlife places you pass en route. The colour and the lights, coupled with the sheer crush of people, is an intoxicant. Even a non-drinker such as myself felt pissed when hit with all of that sensory overload.
And the noise! People chattering and screaming, plus the sound of heavy house music and trap, and hip hop, booming out of many doorways and steps down to dark and mysterious-looking cellars.
And the street life! Of course, it’s not just tourists and partygoers. You also have those who have made the Reeperbahn their home, from the aggressive Balkan hookers who will kick you as soon as look at you, to the homeless guys living in cardboard boxes outside the sex establishments to ancient mariners who wander around as though they arrived in 1959, got drunk and simply never left.
On a street off Reeperbahn we found another crevice, full of bars. This was populated with rowdy, drunken hen and stag-dos, plus other revellers of all shapes and sizes. We wandered into an establishment where two statuesque girls danced on the bar to cheap electronic music. It was like going to Tiger Tiger in except with exotic dancers. Heavenly.
Although we were both too fatigued to bother with anything as taxing as actual game, there were certainly lots and lots of attractive and feisty girls around, ready to party. On another occasion I am convinced that the Reeperbahn would be an excellent place to do pickup (watch this space).
Red Light District
What I love most about the Reeperbahn is that, in common with places like Amsterdam or even Vegas or Miami, it appears to be constructed entirely for fun. In order for people to seek pleasure there. There is nothing cerebral about it, or cultural. It is a simply a collection of lowest-common-denominator business that seek to satiate people’s basest needs—to eat, to get drunk, to take drugs and to have sex. It is in other words, ‘degenerate’ (as the trad-con do-gooders would have it) and that is precisely why I love it.
While seeking pleasure for its own sake might be deemed immoral or ‘nihilistic’ (a familiar catch-all term do-gooders direct at anything they don’t approve of these days) by some, I’ve yet to see a truly robust argument explaining why. Because the truth is that all of us have a limited time-allowance here.
So why not have fun and enjoy doing things we like?
Certainly, that seems to me to be the essence of Hamburg’s sinful spirit. And so I’ll definitely be coming back for more very soon.
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