OK then, now it’s time to take the gloves off. For the last five days I’ve been putting out articles telling guys in their 40’s about how great game is and suggesting the best strategies they can employ to be successful. But today I want to talk about a few of the factors that make game for a 40+ year old hard. I want to be as honest and straightforward as possible about how it really is here, so strap yourself in and let’s go.
The thing that makes being over 40 really bad for game is that, well, you’re over 40. This impacts in a number of ways, but perhaps most significantly, it impacts on you psychologically, making it harder for you to approach and close the deal.
Why? Well, the reasons are perhaps obvious. For a start, unless you are extremely lucky the likelihood is that you will most probably look over 40. Now, even though I look younger than my age it’s still pretty obvious to girls when I walk up to them that I’m no spring chicken, and often many years older than they are.
How much does that actually matter as far as the girl’s concerned? Being honest it’s hard to tell and the jury’s still out. I think the most accurate answer it that it really depends totally on the girl in question. Some girls—actually a lot of girls, I’d say—who are in their twenties are totally fine with dating (or at least sleeping with) a man in his forties. It happens all the time, and as I said in an earlier article, a great proportion of the hot girls that I’ve met have at some point or other banged a 40+ year old.
That said, it doesn’t stop you being conscious of it when you approach.
Martin Amis once wrote something along the lines that after 40 something strange that wasn’t there before suddenly appears: the past. In the arena of pick-up something similar occurs: suddenly another weasel that hadn’t occurred to the guy before comes into view. Now as well as worrying about how tall you are and whether your hair colour / style is right and whether you are cool enough for her, now suddenly you must also worry about whether or not you are too old for her.
This, it goes without saying, is a pain. As much as I preach the gospel of supreme over-confidence in all situations both on this website and on Twitter, the truth is that I am not impervious to the usual concerns about my eligibility. In fact, if anything I’m probably overly conscious of them, which is why I have had to work so hard at the personal reinvention that has spawned my writings and this website. So the last thing I need is one more damn thing to worry about.
This fear is of course exacerbated by the persistent ‘creepy old man’ meme that is present in the culture. I mean really, who wants to be that? No one. Except that I am not creepy and and neither are most men. Desiring a healthy sex life is a very different thing to being creepy.
To compound this there is a certain (muted) quantity of social shaming out there for unmarried men in their 40s. Admittedly it’s not as persistent and virulent as that experienced by unmarried women but nevertheless it is present.
I recall a particularly obnoxious blog post written by a Ukrainian girl I dated that damned all unmarried 43 year-olds as immature mummies boys who were too emotionally and / or sexually stunted to get a woman, or incapable of holding onto one. I also remember my ex’s surprise when she discovered that I was unmarried, and her complete incomprehension of the fact that this might never have been an ambition of mine.
This issue, then, might also always be at the back of your mind when you approach: will she think I’m a weirdo since I’m not married with kids? (Even though of course objectively that is ridiculous).
Another factor which I’ve touched on earlier in the series but which bears repeating is energy. The truth of the matter is that energy dissipates as you get older and your focus narrows. While previously it used to be fun standing around in nightclubs until the early hours talking nonsense with girls in an effort to get laid, increasingly now it feels like a waste of time you you apply cost-benefit analysis and think about the work you have planned for the next day and how tired you’re going to feel in the morning.
This is exacerbated if you’re taking crap from the girls you’re hitting on—which is almost inevitable since all girls shit test or at least answer back when they’re being hit on since it’s in their DNA. And if you are a relatively successful or accomplished man then it’s only natural that you’ll start to question why you are putting up with this when they girls in front of you are so clearly not accomplished and not successful, and perhaps have very little else about them other than their youth and beauty.
Unfortunately, though, it is that youth and beauty that we are drawn to, and so we must continue to jump through those hoops which seemed so much more accommodating in our twenties than they do now.
The hard truth is that, having eschewed the conventional path of marriage and kids, or having been married and then divorced, we must proceed to play a game identical to the one we played in our youth—and we must actually compete with those younger than us—if we would hope to enjoy continued sexual access with attractive women.
For how long this remains worth the effort is a call that each man must make for himself individually. But with fewer people electing to marry these days and with many marriages ending prematurely in divorce anyway it will inevitably be an issue faced by more and more people in the future.
All of that being said, I don’t want this to be all doom and gloom. As I’ve said, if you’re in shape, well-groomed and well-versed in game there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t continue to get good results for a long time to come.
In order to test this hypothesis I contacted a female friend of mine, a very attractive Spanish girl, to get her take on dating men in their 40s. Here’s what she said:
My first guys were all over 40. Attraction is different they are more in control, you feel secure and stable which girls like. They let go during sex more which is great. I mean, I can’t generalise, not all older men are like that. I can’t speak for everyone but for me, sex was very relaxed and really good, no messing around, no pretending. One of my lovers can do things that nobody else has ever been able to do to me. Again, it’s just one person, but I’m sure it has to do with the fact that he’s older and he has practice and he doesn’t give a fuck. But they do what they want with you. You don’t wanna be with an older guy who’s an asshole, those are the worst. I’m lucky they still love me and care about me, genuinely. I think the guy needs to be aware that the girl is vulnerable, and be genuine, not just there to mess her head around, but other than that it’s totally cool.
Interesting, isn’t it, to see this from a female perspective? As a guy you might feel powerless approaching a younger woman, as though she holds all the cards, what with being hot and everything, but actually that’s not necessarily the case. In fact, my friend’s quote underlines more her concern about the older man’s ability to manipulate.
Now, I’m certain that my friend is referring to guys she has already mentally designated as alpha, so you’d have to clear that hurdle first (although you’d have to anyway). But that aside, the power balance may well not be as weighted towards the girls as you might think and I am definitely aware, from my relations with girls in their twenties, how much ‘hand’ I have held relative to them simply because of my age, greater experience and increasing tendency not to ‘give a fuck.’
So if you feel inhibited about approaching as a 40+ guy but you really want to get great results with younger women then realise that not only is it entirely possible, but actually you might have greater leverage in the equation than you think, and this is something you should pay heed to. While I’m certainly an advocate of developing so-called ‘dark traid’ characteristics (given that most men are if anything too nice) it should also be said that with power comes responsibility and you don’t want to go around hurting people unnecessarily. As the old Mystery adage went: always leave them better than you found them.
To find out more about how to pull hot girls day or night at 40+ or any age buy my book The 7 Laws of Seduction
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Read More: How To Get Amped Up For Game As A 40+ Guy
