Game for 40+ Men Pt 2: 7 Key Watchouts For Men Getting Into Game

Continuing this series about game for guys aged over 40, I thought it would be useful to talk about some of the key watchouts a man in his 40s getting into game should consider.

A point I need to make upfront is that clearly people are coming at this from different baseline levels. If you’re a guy in his early 40s who’s been single his whole life, keeps fit, is into fashion and makes sure he’s well-groomed and youthful looking then it stands to reason that your experience is going to be markedly different to the guy who’s just been divorced, is overweight and prematurely aged due to the unfortunate turmoil he has experienced.

Certainly I would urge every man reading this, whether over 40 or not, married or unmarried, to stay in the best physical and mental shape possible. This is not to please or impress your wife, but rather to nurture your own physical and mental health and to ensure that your sexual market value remains valid. Whether you think divorce unlikely or not it’s important to look after yourself so you’re prepared for any eventuality.

If you haven’t been able to maintain your general health and aesthetics as well as you’d like though, don’t worry – it just means you have a little catching up to do. What you need to understand from the off is that there is a fertile market of attractive young women out there who are more than amenable to dating an older guy.

This is why lying about your age—as tempting as that might seem—can sometimes backfire. I remember once letting a girl believe I was in my early thirties only for her to tell me ‘I prefer guys older – my last boyfriend was 42.’ In fact a surprising number of the hotter girls I’ve come into contact with have at some point or other dated a guy in his forties. There seems to be a certain fascination in it for them – after all, a guy of that age has a story to tell and is likely more interesting and (from a dark triad perspective) more exciting to them than someone their own age. My ex, in her twenties, used to tell me there was something she couldn’t work about about me, and that’s what really got her hooked. With age comes the benefit of knowing your own mind, being more discerning and less needy, not revealing everything too soon and therefore being more of a challenge. So the demand is definitely there, it’s just a question of positioning yourself effectively.

All that being said, there are of course a number of factors that are specific to the 40+ gamer that perhaps don’t apply to the fresh-faced, youthful pickup artist. I list them below.

1. Energy and Desire

I put this first because for me this really is a big one. As much as I hate to admit it, I just don’t have the same amount of energy as I did when I was in my twenties. Or at least, I am much more aware that my energy is finite and that it needs to be directed principally to the things that are most important in my life. And these days increasingly that is work.

The other issue is with desire. How can I put this? Being completely honest I’m not sure that I chase sex with quite the same vigour as I did when I was 21, or rather, it is no longer my default inclination to do so. That’s partly because after 20 years + of chasing tail I’ve been with more girls than probably most men have in a lifetime and I’ve seen both the good and bad sides of that. Perhaps I feel that I’ve proved myself sufficiently already. Or perhaps my T needs some attention.

Whatever the reason, though, in order to get really great results with women you need to find ways to foster that fire, that determination to get laid no matter what. I’ve had to find ways to do this and I’ll share them with you in a future article. But suffice to say, take an honest look at yourself and identify whether you really want it badly or whether you’re just idly looking at porn thinking ‘oh, wouldn’t that be nice.’

Because make no mistake, if you want to really fly at this you need that fire in your belly and a determination to succeed.

2. Bitterness and baggage

This is aimed largely at guys who’ve been in marriages and long-term relationships that have gone sour. Whatever you do you cannot allow residual negativity to in any way interfere with your interactions with new prospects.

When you’re out approaching new (younger) girls you need to maintain a positive demeanour at all times. The last thing she will tolerate is a long boring hard-luck story about how your ex ripped you off for every penny.

Draw a line. This is a new adventure, and through it you will access new reserves of youth. Act accordingly.

3. Looks

A big one this, and, as I said at the top, guys are going to be coming at this from different baselines. The bloody obvious rule of thumb, though, is this—if you look like her aging, creepy uncle then she’s not going to sleep with you. I can’t really be any more straightforward about this, nor emphasise this point any more strongly.

I can’t tell you precisely what you need to do because every man is different and—more importantly—I can’t see you. But take a long look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Then get a second opinion. Then a third. Then take the steps you need to take to improve every aspect of your look to the very best of your ability.

I’ll write more on this in future, but in the end it really is that simple.

4. Dress sense

As above, really. Take a long look at what you’re wearing, and get other opinions, ideally from girls of the age you are looking to attract. Get store assistants to advise you. Gay guys can be helpful here too.

Basically you need to pull off the somewhat difficult trick of looking cool without dressing too young. You don’t want to look like a kid at a Calvin Harris gig on his first spring break, but at the same time, again, looking like Sean Spicer on the his weekend slops isn’t going to cut it either.

5. Having a youthful perspective

This is more of a meta concern and again is really deserving of its own article. This will partly come naturally when you start to date younger girls. Before that, though, what you need to do is make sure that you socialise with younger people generally. Be aware of trends – movies, TV shows, websites, music, clubs, DJs, comedy etc. Again, this isn’t about pretending to be young as that’s only going to come across as inauthentic. However, you do need to be engaged with the contemporary. Interested at least. You must ensure you are speaking the same language as those you seek to interact with.

6. Societal shaming

Another big one. As guys get older a lot of societal shaming attaches itself to them from some quarters if they’re still out on the dating market. The most common question is ‘why aren’t you married,’ but if you are dating younger girls then you are likely to come in for some flack about that too.

My advice here is simply to keep in mind that desiring a healthy dating life is entirely normal, and that as long as you are treating the women you sleep with well and with respect then you are not doing anything wrong.

Beyond that my strategy as far as acquaintances and work-colleagues are concerned is to keep my cards very close to my chest. I simply don’t talk about my dating life or the girls that I’m seeing. Remember, the less ammunition you give people the less able they are to attack you.

 7. Clubs and bars: yes or no?

Finally, a big query a lot of guys have is whether or not, past 40, you can still hit the bars and clubs in search of girls. The short answer to this is yes, you absolutely can, BUT there are certain principles and techniques you need to internalise in order to optimise your success in these milieu. But again, you’ll have to wait for those – I have comprehensive articles on the different types of game for 40+ guys coming up here very soon.

I hope these watchouts have proved interesting and that this series is beginning to help and inspire you as a 40+ gamer. As ever, I’m keen to hear your feedback and also your tips and techniques, so please do let us know your experiences in the comments below.

To find out more about how to pull hot girls day or night at 40+ or any age buy my book The 7 Laws of Seduction

For daily updates follow me on Twitter  and Instagram

Read More: London’s Crazy Marriage Market Is Messed Up