Why It’s Important To Develop An Insane Degree Of Self-Love

Too many men walk around thinking that the women they desire are superior to them.

In the unlikely event one of them accepts him for sex or a relationship, he assumes she must be doing him a favour, that there must be something “special” about their relationship.

Beware, for this is how pedestalization, obsession, and heartbreak are bred.

Women, we are told from a young age, are attracted to “cool” guys. The problem for many is figuring out what “cool” actually means and how to embody it.

But the most powerful piece of dating advice I have ever been given, one that changed my whole paradigm of thinking and levels of success, was that I should assume an insane degree of self-love.

Now, the truth is there were probably already things I liked about myself, but social conditioning had taught me to be humble, not to brag, to keep my head below the parapet, and be a nice guy.

None of these behaviours helped me in my  dating life.

What did help was when I started communicating an irrational, almost absurd sense of self-confidence to the world through every element of my behaviour, from the way I walked to the way I spoke, to the way I dressed.

This isn’t about being bigheaded. It’s more about recognising what’s unique and amazing about you and being proud of it.

Once I carried myself as though I were a big deal, suddenly and mysteriously my world changed as women previously out of my reach started to show interest, and men began to take me more seriously.

Very quickly, a truth that I had never been aware of before was revealed to me: the individual, not society decides what “cool” is for him: each one of us gives himself permission to be cool.

What does “cool” mean?

I remember looking at the popular kids at school and wondering what was it was about them. Many weren’t particularly good-looking or intelligent. They didn’t have taste in clothes or music, yet they still carried themselves as though they were something special.

I often wondered why this was so and who had “given them permission” to do so.

At the same time, I imagined it impossible that someone like me, someone so inherently uncool, could ever behave with such entitlement.

For a while, I actually believed that somehow I wasn’t allowed to dress fashionably, because those cool clothes were for other people who were already cool.

Of course, this was utter nonsense.

The fact is that “cool” is a self-designation: no one else gives you the permission to be cool, and no one is magically endowed with the quality of coolness from birth. It is a mantle that you assume for yourself, and you can do so today.

Remember, there is no such thing as consensus. Even if every single person in your immediate circle says you’re a loser or acts like they think so:-

• You don’t know that’s what they’re thinking for real.
• There is no standardised measure.
• There’s a big world out there, and others will think differently.

Understand this now: It is you who makes the decision to dress cool, act cool, and be cool. You give yourself permission, and you should never seek it from anyone else.

Become the embodiment of that ideal image of yourself you hold inside.

Resistance

As you start to make changes to yourself, you may experience social pressure from other people. If you buy new clothes, for example, then people used to the “old you” may complain or criticise you.

Ignore them. Their thoughts are irrelevant.

They don’t really care what you wear or what you are doing with your life. They are merely trying to push you down to your former position in the hierarchy so that they can feel better about themselves.

As a wise man once told me: what other people think of you is none of your business.

Deluded self-belief

Your ultimate goal is not mere coolness. You should aim for a deluded degree of self-belief. Walk around as though you are the most exceptional guy on the planet.

If you accept the principle of the non-existence of consensus, you will see that no one can either give you permission to act this way or refute that you have a right to—you are free to do whatever you want.

So how do you achieve this almost delusional state of self-regard?

• Give yourself permission to do so.
• Seek role models and mirror them.
• Fake it to make it.
• Don’t allow any contrary evidence to enter your reality.

The first step is to make a decision, and you must make it absolutely.

The second step is really important and helped me a great deal. Pick out celebrities and others that you admire for their charisma, cool image, and behaviour and copy them.

Note how they dress, their mannerisms, and how they talk, walk, and act, and find ways to emulate them without appearing incongruent. Read interviews with them or better still meet them—if you can—to suss out how they think, their attitudes to life, and how they handle common situations. All with a view to adopting their mindsets for yourself.

Celebrities I have channelled include Robbie Williams with his alpha body language, complete conviction in his own attractiveness, and cheeky humour, and Russell Brand, whose idiosyncratic dress sense, florid verbal style, and laser eye contact I admire very much.

Both display dominant male characteristics and have very tangible self-belief.

I would also add Jay Z to that list, as his grace, warmth, and humour are a welcome sheen on his ultimate alpha male persona.

On the other side of the spectrum, you might consider someone like Harry Styles, who is boyish, scruffy, and relatively unconventional in looks but who has genuine charisma and great style.

The people that resonate most with you and have the most congruence with your personal style are the ones to model.

Also, try to ensure that all the influences you take in are positive—music, movies, books.

Don’t watch too much television.

Listen to unsentimental music that will get you fired up and hungry, like rap and techno.

Don’t wallow in sad love songs, soap operas, reality shows, and so on.

Why Should You Adopt Deluded Self-Belief?

• Because in order to be truly attractive you have to be prepared to stand against what “polite society” regards as normal social conduct.
• Entitlement is attractive.
• People will believe a narrative presented to them strongly and consistently.

The important thing is that your self-esteem is excessive. This needn’t necessarily be based on anything tangible other than the decision you’ve made for it to be so.

That is all that is required.

People are gullible, tending to accept what they are told. If you continually relate to them in a way that suggests you are cool they will believe it.

This is why advertising works. Consistency is the key.

Soon enough, people will accept the cool persona you present. Those that don’t you should simply ignore or phase out of your reality. And the best way to appear consistently cool?

Have a primary mission or passion that has nothing to do with dating. 

Renegade playboys are doers, not passive consumers.

Choose something that you love doing, whether it is music, sports, photography, writing, or art. It should be an activity where you produce—put something out into the world. Make that your number one focus and you will find yourself impassioned and full of vital energy, which will communicate itself to those around you.

Having a passion will make you less vulnerable to the negative emotions of others and will make you cooler in their eyes.

Finally, make sure that you have a group of other men that you can talk to—male friends are valuable to you. Centre yourself by catching up with them once a week and talking through your problems and successes.

Male influence will keep you balanced and on your alpha path. Make sure they are men who understand and are encouraging of your mission, who are actively working to improve themselves too.

Stick with the winners and you will prosper.

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Plus, if you would like to learn how you can escape the matrix and live the renegade playboy life by building your own personal brand business online, go here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Originally published on Return of Kings here