What to do when everyone’s against you?
There are times when I feel like this, certainly. I can go along for a few weeks with everything being fine and dandy, getting on great with the world.
And then all of a sudden, for some inexplicable reason, everything seems to go to shit.
I get haters on Twitter. I piss off people in my apartment building. The girl I am seeing gets mad at me.
There are times when I feel like the whole world is against me. That sooner or later I’m going to be arrested, taken off the streets for the benefit of the public.
‘I am offending everyone and I have no idea why.’
Actually, though, the reason that I fall into this negative belief pattern is because I had a fucked-up childhood where people told me I was no good the whole time.
And when you internalise that kind of thing at a young age you tend to believe it.
What that means is that now I’m an adult, when people criticise me, even when I can see objectively that I’ve done nothing wrong, I tend to buy into their negative perceptions. They make me feel shame, which is not a nice thing to feel for anyone, but perhaps I’m used to it.
Maybe I kind of like it.
It is also, let’s face it, easier to fold and roll over (metaphorically) when the world calls you an asshole. Standing up to the world, and continuing on your course, is hard. It requires resilience and energy. Generally speaking I have a good reserve of those, but even I get tired.
The message is this. The only arbiter of you and your behaviour is you. Fuck what someone else says. We’re not at school any more. No one has the god given right to judge you: not your boss, not your lover and certainly not some dick on Twitter.
You can’t please everyone. You won’t please everyone. Some people will fucking despise you.
Well, so what? Live with it. Get up in the morning, keep doing your thing and fucking live with it.
In fact, go further than that. Enjoy it. Relish the battle scars. Relish the wounds.
Because here’s the truth. When you cause friction, when you make enemies, you may wind up bloody and bruised, but at least you know that you’re alive.
And that’s a wonderful place to be.
I’ve been called all sorts of names by people and treated in all sorts of terrible ways. Well, fuck them. They were wrong and I am right, because I am me and I’m still here.
That is the attitude you must adopt. We each own our version of reality. In your version the haters are fools and you are king. And of course, your version is truer than theirs simply by virtue of the fact that it is yours.
I hope you found this useful. By the way, if you want to find out more about how to beat bullies at their own game then get hold of a copy of my book How To Be An Assh*le—it’s packed full of actionable tips and advice on how you can win in the boardroom and in the bedroom.
