Without further ado, here are my top 10 inner game secrets.
1. Fake It ‘til You Make It DOES Work – Up To A Point
‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ gets bad press in the self-development space which is not surprising. The implication, after all, is that you can simply sit on your butt and pretend to be awesome even though you’re really just a shlub.
But the fact is that presenting as the person that you aspire to be DOES work in social situations, and it will get you more traction in dating.
For example, the man who sweeps confidently across the room in a Primark suit that cost $80 will command more initial attention than the nervous millionaire cowering in the corner in Armani.
The massive caveat, though, is that you must simultaneously work on your ACTUAL value, as perceived value will only take you so far.
2. People Tend To Believe What You Present
A huge realisation for me was that people tend to believe what you put out there into the world (for a while, at least) which is why 1 is true.
Thus, if you walk into the cocktail lounge with the air of a sophisticated and successful man of the world – and you do so in a congruent manner – then the women around you are likely to take this at face value and see you as an attractive option.
Again, though, the caveat is that at a certain point the lustre of the illusion you have cultivated will fade, so you must ‘do the work’ in increasing your real-world value at the same time.
3. Your Actions Need Not Match Your Feelings
Absolutely huge – just because you feel inferior and depressed inside, it doesn’t mean you have to act like it.
Despite all the positive self-talk in the world we can’t always control our feelings, but we can control the way in which we act. So it’s your job to go out and present yourself as a debonair and commanding man even if that’s not how you’re feeling in the moment.
4. Self-esteem Is Based On Your Certainty Of Your Own Capabilities
Self-esteem should not come from external things like how much money you have, what cars you drive and so on. Instead, it should be based on the confidence you have in your own innate qualities and capabilities
If you ground your self-esteem in the internal rather than the external then short-term setbacks will phase you less.
For example, imagine you get rejected by a beautiful woman in an upscale cocktail lounge. Instead of taking that as your cue to sulk and hide for the rest of the evening, you should stride forth confident in the knowledge that just because she happened not to be attracted to you doesn’t mean that you are not an attractive man due to your inherent qualities.
5. In A Movie The Hero Goes Through Many Trials And Tribulations But Never Doubts Himself
Life is not necessarily a single linear path from low status to high status. Many people go through ups and downs through the years – from rags to riches, back to rags, and then onto riches once more.
Think about James Bond in No Time To Die. He is battling against Spectre, a formidable criminal organisation. At times he appears to be cornering them, and then something will happen leaving him in a precarious, sometimes deadly situation.
But despite the ups and downs James Bond never doubts himself because, well, he’s James Bond and he is cognizant of his fundamental value.
You should be the same – whatever life throws at you, never doubt in your ability to ascend.
6. Everyone Else Is Faking It Too
In life we have a tendency to compare our insides with other peoples’ outsides – that is, we consider our feelings of low self-esteem against the apparent confidence of those around us and in the media.
But when you meet and get to know rich, famous and prominent people who appear to have the world at their feet you discover that actually they are just like us – unsure, sometimes afraid, and to a certain extent putting on an act.
Which is absolutely fine – but don’t let the apparent impermeability of someone else lead you to think yourself pathetic in comparison. You’re not. You’re simply comparing their external front with your own internal state.
7. It’s OK To Sometimes Feel Insecure, Sad, Fearful And Depressed
As the old song goes, ‘I never promised you a rose garden’. Life is hard – it has thorns that can rip the skin and make you bleed. That’s just the way of things.
But unfortunately in our dopamine-addicted age we have a tendency to think that feeling bad is a weakness. It’s not. It’s simply a part of life.
Feeling bad but carrying on anyway (and presenting a strong front) is what will make you thrive where others falter.
8. If You Find It Hard To Be Confident Create An Alter-Ego For Yourself
An easy mental trick to play to make you feel and seem more confident in social situations is to create an alter-ego for yourself that is supremely confident.
An example of this is the Sasha Fierce character that Beyonce created for herself, allowing her to step fearlessly on-stage and wow enormous audiences
Imagine a superhero version of yourself that is fearless, and consciously play that role when you go into social situations.
9. Everything In Life Is A Frame Battle – Get Used To It
In life other people will try to pull you down. And if they sense weakness, they will work even harder to destroy you – or at least to ruin your confidence and make you shut up. It’s not pleasant, but it’s true.
Human nature is not all sweetness and light unfortunately. But once you recognise that this is the case and that, in the end, you are the only one you can 100% rely on in your corner, you must summon the fortitude to be your own champion, and refuse to allow others to try to minimise or silence you.
In a flirtatious situation, a woman might react as though you are unattractive and not worthy of her when you approach. Well, that’s her frame. Yours is (or should be) that you are an attractive man with many great qualities. Who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ is immaterial. Maintain your frame always and you will garner respect from the right people.
10. Healthy Scepticism Of Others Can Help
A lot of the time we compare ourselves negatively to other people, which is not good. Instead, it can be helpful to look sceptically at them and ask ‘what’s so good about him or her?’
For example, that beautiful instagram girl with 200k followers. Easy to put her on a pedestal. But what’s she really bringing to the party other than her looks.
Or that millionaire with his huge real estate portfolio – impressive, no doubt. But is he creative? Is he intelligent? Can he move people emotionally? What’s actually ‘good’ about him other than the fact that he made some smart investments.
As we’ve seen, life is one big frame battle. But instead of buying into other peoples’ frame and feeling bad in comparison, what we should do instead is look critically at them – not to be a dick, but simply because actually no-one is perfect, we all have strengths and weaknesses, and your capabilities have a place too.
The world’s greatest INNER GAME course, CAD ACADEMY is an ACTIONABLE plan for developing charisma and the right mindset to absolutely crush it in the dating game. The course opens for new students 5th – 12th November 2021 and includes live group coaching with me via Zoom. Find out more and get on the waiting list here now.
