The following is an excerpt from my 2017 book How to Be An Assh*le
All guys have access to the same material. Everything you need to know about meeting and dating girls is available for free on the internet.
You can read blog posts and articles.
You can devour whole books about game.
You can watch YouTube videos filled with infields, and so on.
A lot of guys do.
But one of the problems in game is that there are men who spend far too long consuming material and not enough out in the clubs or on the streets actually talking to girls.
But I digress.
There must be something, some special sauce, that separates the high-performers from the rest.
I think about my own success. I’ve done pretty well. High-caliber girls. And yet I am not especially good looking. I am not incredibly tall. I am not rich. I don’t have a fancy apartment.But I have consistently outperformed other men, many of whose advantages outstrip what I possess.
What might be the reason for this?
One answer is tenacity. I am, if nothing else, persistent. I follow up on every single lead until it is burnt to the ground. I leave no stone unturned.
This is a direct result of my professional training. I’ve worked in sales for a long time. In my very early days, before I’d even read any material or known what I was doing, I would go out to clubs every night approach every hot girl there. No matter how many rejections I got I would just keep going. If I got a phone number I would follow up the next day. If she didn’t respond I would try again a couple of days later, and maybe again before finally ditching it. If she did respond I would try to get her out on a date as quickly as possible. I would buy us drinks and then we’d make out and I’d call a taxi to take us both back to my place.
This was the model, every single time, used ceaselessly, for years.
Of course, I met girls in other ways, too. Through social circle. Girls who came into the various bars where I worked. Then I moved to London and got into game proper. By now I’d stopped drinking but my tenacity was still there—in fact it had grown even stronger. My desire to get laid at all costs had pretty much taken over, except now I had all of these new pickup methods at my disposal.
For years I was like a maniac, running all over London hitting on girls everywhere I went, from the underground (subway) to the streets, to shops and coffee bars. And I was still going out, too, so bars and clubs were also rich playing fields. It was at about his time the internet and then smartphones came out.
Along with them came social media, and now suddenly here was yet another avenue filled with pretty girls for me to explore. But wherever or however I met the girls I was trying to date; my process would remain the same. They would go into my pipeline, I would message them and try to get them out on dates as soon as possible
(The only thing that changed was the fact that my dates were a lot less raucous than before (since I’d stopped drinking at this point).
My system of dating rolled on for years. I refined it slightly as I went on, tweaked it here and there, but I never changed it significantly because it worked well. As I’ve said, the success that I’ve enjoyed has come about largely because of my somewhat obsessive nature, which means that I am hyper-scrupulous about following up and leaving no stone unturned.
I make this point at some length because I want this book to be as helpful as possible and so I need to stress the importance of persistence, though it’s not a core theme.
Even if you follow all the rest of the advice in this book to the letter and become the most dark tetrad, radically-differentiated, man on the planet, if you don’t follow up systematically then you are not going to see the results.
Radical Differentiation
That out the way, let’s now turn our attention back to radical differentiation.
First I’ll tell you what it is. Then I will give you some examples to consider; celebrity case studies, plus several from my own life.
Finally, to pull it together, I’ll show you how you can radically differentiate yourself and the steps you need to take to prevent going too far and looking like an idiot.
Radical Differentiation in game is simply the act—or process— of ensuring that you stand out from all other men around you in the starkest, most distinct and dramatic way possible.
The problem is this. Far too many men are beige and mediocre. They may be good-looking. They may be ‘nicely’ dressed. They may ‘do’ as far as lower level girls are concerned.
But these men—and by that I mean the vast majority of men everywhere—are simply not differentiated enough to stand out from the rest of the market.
Let’s think about a consumer product for a moment. Coca Cola. Think about all of those cans of Coke that you see in the cabinet when you go to the store. Perhaps you are thirsty and you fancy a can of Coke. OK, which one are you going to choose?
Well, the answer is, you’re going to choose one of them, but there is no guarantee that it is going to be a specific can.
Why?
Because they all look, taste and feel the same.
Every can is identical.
When the consumer is thirsty enough and has a real taste for Coke she will reach into the refrigerator and pull out a can.
But imagine that you are one of those cans, sitting there waiting, just desperate for her to come along and choose you.
You know that you might be sitting there for a long time, because there is no differentiation at all between you and your fellow cans.
All of which is fine for Coca Cola as a company–they mass produce product.
They don’t care which can of Coke gets chosen first as long as in the end they sell as many as possible.
It’s also fine for the consumer. When she gets thirsty she’ll just reach for any can that’s ‘good enough’.
But it’s no good for that individual can waiting to be selected.
In the sexual marketplace, it’s clear which side of the equation you sit on. You are the individual Coke can.
You look as good as all the other Coke cans on the shelf.
You are as shiny, as cool, and you taste just the same. But you don’t stand out. At all.
Yes, you might get picked. Yes, if you are the front of the shelf and it’s a hot day and she is thirsty then she might reach into the fridge and she might pull you out instead of one of your friends.
But that will be through luck and nothing more.
What is equally possible is that you might sit there for weeks, day-in, day-out, not chosen at all. Just sitting there in that damn fridge freezing your butt off.
Suddenly, you wake up one morning and you’re past your sell-by date.
So you get hauled unceremoniously from the store with all the other past-it cans, your contents disposed of and your casing pulped (or whatever they do with past-it cans of Coke).
A clumsy analogy, perhaps. But I hope you can see what I’m getting at.
Use Radical Differentiation to Target A Niche Market
Now, say one day the store brings in a juicer whose job it is to make exotic juices from fruits and vegetables of the consumers’ choice. Suddenly something much more interesting, bespoke and personalized is available. Something that, promising health benefits, has an entirely different unique selling point.
Rather than simply quenching her thirst, now the girl can enjoy a drink that is far more individual as well as possessing other benefits that you the can of Coke are unable to offer.
Which product do you think she is more likely to choose?
All over the world we are seeing a move towards niche, bespoke products. Niche websites, niche publishers, niche music channels, niche books. This is why people who work in online marketing are advised to cater for small niches rather than the masses—your audience may be smaller, but your impact and reach within that audience segment, and the profits that you can hope to extract from it, will be that much greater.
For more on this point from a business perspective I would highly recommend you read Seth Godin’s excellent book The Purple Cow. In it Godin argues that in order to be really successful in business you need to create a ‘purple cow’— that is, something that is so unusual, fresh and original that it stands out from the rest of the market. The time for conformity is over, Godin says. The future is all about niche products and experiences. You can’t hope to make it by going for the masses anymore. You have to go niche. There you can build much higher quality relationships and extract far greater profits. Why should the dating market be any different?
Women, after all, are consumers—and more enthusiastic consumers than men, at that.
Why would we assume that they would approach the sexual marketplace any differently than they do their shopping?
Women—and all of us, really—want the next shiny thing. We don’t want to be bored with the generic, the bland. We want something that excites us, that speaks to us, that tells a story that intrigues us.
To read the rest, grab your copy of How To Be An Asshole here.
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