London’s Naked Sex Parties Are Great But Will YOU Get Laid?

“I love cock. I’m just . . . I don’t know what to do with myself. There’s just so much cock.”

I’m standing in the changing rooms in a sauna in central London talking to a woman in her thirties who has apparently imbibed a lot of something narcotic and wants to imbibe a lot of something rather more meaty. Welcome to Killing Kittens, a regular ‘upmarket’ naked sex party where single guys and girls (as well as couples) come to drink champagne, splash around in the jacuzzi together and then fuck publically in this labyrinthine subterranean space.

The invite says wear a suit, so I’m in a sleek black number with a white shirt and Alexander McQueen pocket square. The invite also says you have to wear a mask, so I have on this silver thing I bought in a joke shop for a fiver. It’s still pretty early (10pm) so I buy a drink at the bar and then wander around, enjoying the anonymity, checking out the crowd.

So the guys are mainly in suits, or at least trousers and shirts. The women are in dresses, flimsy nightdresses with the lingerie beneath visible. At the moment everyone is hanging around the bar, which is decked out stylishly enough. Behind it they have video screens playing old 1950s movies, which is a nice touch. People greet one another, stand and talk for a while and then move on. It’s all very polite and English and looks more like a professional function than an orgy.

If you walk beyond the bar area then you get to the sauna. Here, behind a dividing screen is the huge, shared jacuzzi. Early on there aren’t many people in it, just a couple of (fairly ropey) women who are already drunk and overexcited. Beyond it, as you walk over the damp and latticed floor, you will find a small network of interconnected corridors with tiny private rooms dotted around them. It’s very dark.  Muted house music plays. It’s too hot for a suit and so over the course of the evening guys strip down to their boxer shorts or get naked while the girls run around in lingerie. It is in this area where the bulk of the fucking happens later.

Killing Kittens is a company owned and run by women—the CEO is a lady called Emma Sayle—and, according to its website puts on parties for ‘the world’s sexual elite’ (although looking around the venue tonight if this is the elite then the sexual rank and file must be pretty, well, rank.) Because of their female-first ethos they have a number of rules that are nominally anti-game, most notably the one that states that women have to approach men. Fortunately no-one seems to take a blind bit of notice of that, with guys introducing themselves to girls like at any other club event.

KK generally run parties for couples, and so the idea is that you turn up with a girl and then you and her get it on with other pairs. If you can find a cute girl who’s open to that then you will have a lot of fun.

Tonight, though, is a singles party and the only KK event where single guys (carefully vetted via the website first) are allowed to attend. It’s not cheap. My ticket cost eighty quid. I think a couples’ ticket goes for one hundred and twenty.

Essentially you’re betting that eighty quid on getting laid, since that is really the point of coming here. Here’s the thing. In spite of what the PR says, the ratio of hot girls to guys at these events tends to be very poor and weighted significantly in the girls’ favours. So while KK will keep the numbers balanced and ensure a reasonable male-to-female split, the quality of those females is not consistent.

And don’t be naive—you will not be without competition. These parties are dominated by tall, built guys who are good looking and who know how to get girls, and get them they do. And because of the dearth of cuties, the best-looking girls get to pick off the top 5% of men. That’s not to say you won’t get any action but rather that you shouldn’t imagine that it’s a free-for all. In fact, if you want to observe the ruthlessness of the sexual marketplace at its most vicious and brutal then go to a sex party. Here, unadorned hypergamy rules. The hot guys get lavished with attention which those perceived ugly, weak or substandard are cruelly ignored.

Tonight the pickings are slim. One girl and her friend are lavishing me with attention, trying to take of my Ralph Lauren shorts, but I’ve never been one of those guys who will shag anything to get a notch and they’re really not up to scratch. Instead my wing and I walk into one of the antechambers where a porn movie is playing on the TV screen (two girls and a guy on a beach) and two girls are making out in real life on the couch in front of us.

We stand watching this attractive spectacle for a while, enjoying the view of a naked blonde crouching before her lover and licking pussy with expertise and aplomb. Beside us, other men are watching too: men in their forties with expensive shirts, expensive watches, slicked back hair. They are the kind of men who look like they should be on yachts.

I talk to one hottie for a while, a slim blonde from Essex. The vibe is good, there is touching, but then her friend gets bored and drags her off to the bar. I wander around, weighing up my options. There’s nothing else here of any great quality. Nevertheless, I feel good. After a busy period where my game has been muted and I’ve felt jaded it now feels like I’m back. My confidence is high, my voice is strong and I am challenging and dominant. This is all good. I take a sip of my drink and survey my surroundings. This is where Troy Francis should be, after all. In a late-night bar in the city surrounded by naked women and sex. I take in the sleaze and the seediness: it makes my soul feel good.

A while later my wing and I leave. Outside I get chatting to a cute Lithuanian girl, a waitress at the bar next door. She lets us in and we get drinks. Now we are surrounded by more girls. We have momentum from the sex club and the women can smell it on us. Drinks and kisses follow and I pull a Welsh bird on a hen night as well as getting the Lithuanian girl’s number. My nightgame persona, the dangerous cad persona, is back.

The main thing you have to do is get out of your house and into the city. Once there you have to get out of your head and into your body. In night game over thinking is fatal. You have to be in your body. It has to be natural. It has to flow. But I will write more about this another time.

To find out how to pull hot girls day or night buy my book The 7 Laws of Seduction

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