Timothy Gallwey first coined the term ‘inner game’ in his book The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance, writing that “every game is composed of two parts, an outer game and an inner game”; where the outer game is fought against another opponent and the inner game is fought against your own inner doubts and fears.
More:
In every human endeavour there are two arenas of engagement: the outer and the inner.
The outer game is played on an external arena to overcome external obstacles to reach an external goal. The inner game takes place within the mind of the player and is played against such obstacles as fear, self-doubt, lapses in focus, and limiting concepts or assumptions.
And from Urban Dictionary:
With regards success with women, and as opposed to outer game, your inner game is the opinion you have of yourself (your self esteem) and the pursuits in life that make you interesting and successful. This all contributes to your self confidence. A confident person is more likely to score with women.
A strong outer game can for a short while give an impression of confidence and help to attract women. However, without a strong inner game, it may be difficult to retain women you have attracted since they will soon realise that you have little going on in your life that would make them stick around.
Inner game can be worked on and improved as much as the outer game, and indeed the two concepts are highly linked to one another. A strong inner game will help with the outer game when it comes to general banter with a woman since you will have plenty of things going on in your life to talk about!
Example of someone who has poor inner game:
Woman: …that was a funny joke, so what do you do?
You: Er, I’m an accountant.
Woman: Ok. So do you have any hobbies?
You: I like going out with my mates, watching movies and stuff.
Woman: (yawn)
Example of someone who has strong inner game:
Woman: …that was a funny joke, so what do you do?
You: I’m an accountant. I’m working in New York next week with a big client, it’s usually a blast since we spend a lot of time eating at nice restaurants and being taken out for corporate drinks.
Woman: Wow. So do you have any hobbies?
You: I’m a keen rock climber actually. Next month I’m spending the weekend sport climbing in the south of France. I love it there.
Woman: That’s amazing! I would love to do something like that…
Practical Implications
‘Inner game’ is indeed the way that you think about yourself, and crucially, it is also about how you present yourself (to women). Essentially it’s about acting like that hot, self-assured guy who is already successful (pre-selected) even if this is not necessarily the case objectively.
At the same time, if there’s no substance behind the sparkle then you won’t gain any long term success in dating because, frankly. women will figure out pretty quickly that there isn’t a lot worth hanging around for.
So you should be consistently building your value in the background (money, muscles, game, and frame) while at the same time projecting the fact that you are high value. How to do this if you’re right at the start of your journey and don’t yet have the trappings of success? Recognise that the very fact you are working towards greatness puts you in the top 5% already! Yes, potential has to be realised, of course, but you know deep down what you are capable of – well, use that as your inspiration, as your spark, as your flame.
You’re Not A Pushover
Inner Game is also about showing that you’re not a pushover, that you don’t put women on pedestals randomly and for no reason other than that they’re cute. Because after all, what high value person would do that?
Think about the times when you’ve met someone in power, such as the CEO of the company you work for, or a famous person – they might be superficially nice to you, but there’s ZERO chance they’re going to let you into their inner circle, or even really respect you very much UNLESS you’re able to bering some serious value to the table.
Well, you should be the same. Yes, that attractive woman you met at the Tulum beach party may look like a million dollars, but as a high value individual you need to know that she brings other qualities to the table before you afford her too much significance. And that takes time.
In other words, the high value man is not a simp. He has standards. He Is pleasant, charming, witty and even flirtatious, but he isn’t a pushover. He has boundaries and he respects himself and he doesn’t tolerate BS. At times he might even seem like something of a jerk, and perhaps he is, but only because he has a very high regard for himself and for the importance of his mission (whatever that happens to be).
In behaving this way, the high value man can’t help but sub-communicate his value to those around him, and women will instinctively find this attractive for a couple of reasons. First, because no one really values anything or anyone that they can get too easily, and second, women are of course naturally drawn to mate with the highest value men they possibly can.
Why Is Inner Game Important For Dating?
‘Inner game’ has been unfairly maligned by purists over the years, but the facts are that –
- ‘Game’ on its own will only take you so far
- If you don’t have your inner game sorted out then all the flirting techniques in the world won’t save you
- Strong inner game can – in some cases – remove the need for game techniques entirely
The world’s greatest INNER GAME course, CAD ACADEMY is an ACTIONABLE plan for developing charisma and the right mindset to absolutely crush it in the dating game. The course opens for new students 5th – 12th November 2021 and includes live group coaching with me via Zoom. Find out more and get on the waiting list here now.
