In Your Darkest Hour

In your darkest hour, when you are most alone, when you feel friendless, when hope is little more than a memory, there is only one thing you can do: carry on

There is a saying. It goes ‘when you’re going through hell, keep going.’

It’s all you can do.

Whatever lifestyle you choose there will be times when you wonder what the hell you are doing. When everything feels wrong, somehow. When you kick yourself for making the worst possible choices.

If only you’d taken that easier, softer way.

The way forward is uncertain. The time that you have expended, the exertions you have made, the money you have spent: all seem as though they have been wasted.

It is at times like these that you are at your most vulnerable. It is at times like these that you will be tempted to reach for the nearest comforting female body to draw close to you, to help you assuage the pain.

But this will be a mistake. When we engage with a woman in a point of weakness, things rarely end well. Suppose, for example, some bad thing has happened in your life. Maybe you lost your job. It is tempting for you to call up your ex-girlfriend. If only she’d come around and comfort you it would fill up that hole inside. It would quell your sadness. It would make you feel OK again.

But stop and think for a moment. You split up with your ex for a reason. Running back to her now just because things feel tough won’t actually help with your present situation. At best it will merely put a sticking plaster over the top. More likely, though, it will cause greater complications down the line, as you find yourself once more ensconced in a relationship you previously sought to leave for good reason.

It’s not just people we reach for. In times of stress we can also be prone to abusing drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling—a whole host of substances and behaviours that might feel good for a moment or two, but which will inevitably lead to more problems down the line.

What we should actually be doing is talking to friends. What we should actually be doing is reading helpful, instructive books. And what we should be doing above all is relying on a higher version of ourselves to help us through our difficulties.

I say ‘higher version of ourselves’ advisedly. Some people like to call this a higher power. Others call it god. But this makes many others uncomfortable. And I am not a religious person, so it would be disingenuous for me to use that word anyway.

But most of us could handle imagining a version of ourselves that is just a little older and wiser than us. One that’s just a little bit calmer, a little bit more together. One who takes things in his stride and doesn’t let temporary crap pull him down.

It is this figure that we must rely on, and it is this figure that we can trust. Because you see whatever it is that is happening to you right now, you can handle it. It may not feel like it. You might feel overwhelmed. You might feel like you are about to implode. But trust me, you can handle it.

In your darkest hour, don’t reach for people, places and things to fix you. It may ease the pain for a while, but it won’t save you. What will save you is a growing trust in and reliance on that higher version of you that sits above everything, is calm and kind and just nods his head when troubles come, smiles and says ‘We’ve got this covered.’

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