Today I’m excited to give you a special sneak-preview of the new book I recently published, 10X Happiness, Zero Bullshit.
We all want girls, we want money, and we want success. But what does all of that translate to? Simply, we want happiness.
In the new book I get raw…really raw. I share some of the worst things that have ever happened to me, and how I went from being a depressive alcoholic in the gutter to a location-independent writer and entrepreneur.
But most importantly, I describe how I went from a state of unhappiness to a state of happiness.
(Yes, I know ‘happiness’ is a relative term and there are loads of different ways you could define it. I go deep into that in the book)
Anyway, here’s an extract about finding meaning, which is absolutely key.
I’m keen to hear from you on this, so drop me a comment and let me know what you think.
When I stopped drinking, back at the age of 27, I began going to 12-step based self-help meetings, and . . . not much else. You see, all of a sudden I had an issue to deal with that I hadn’t encountered since my adolescence. I had time on my hands. A lot of it,
Now that might sound to you like a huge luxury. And in a way it was. Because I had spent most of my life up until that point drunk as a way to reduce the unhappiness I was feeling (drink became a crutch for me. Perhaps for you it was something—or someone—else) when I had to give it up, I simply wasn’t used to all the free time I had. You see the life of a drinker is actually as constrained as that of an office worker. You spend all of your time in one of three states—you are either drinking, you are recovering (hungover) or you are preparing to drink again. That final stage might not sound much of anything, but in fact, the anticipation for the next high is central to any addict’s experience. It’s not just a question of going and buying your drug of choice. It’s also imagining it, thinking about it, fantasising about it.
Once i was released from all of that, I still had a little bit of a life left. Let’s see. I had a girlfriend, just about—although we broke up shortly afterwards. I had a job. I went to the gym. And . . . that was about it. Suddenly, ‘not drinking’ was elevated to the level of an activity. ‘What are you doing this afternoon?’. ‘Oh, you know . . . not drinking’.
Being released from pain (in this case the pain of drinking), while bringing strong feelings of contentment, doesn’t in itself bring happiness. I remember once going to the cinema three times in one day to see different films. I was so bored, I couldn’t think of anything else to do.
That was a one-off, but I would habitually go out into the city where I lived and look round the clothes shops. I loved fashion, and I became obsessive about it for a while, checking up on all the new items that each store would stock newly every week.
Although this was fun for a while, along with my gym practice and running, I soon felt that there was something missing. Where I had previously had a life defined by the use of alcohol (which was itself a coping mechanism to deal with my unhappiness) now I had nothing.
Perhaps inevitably, my attention turned itself towards nightlife, and to be more specific, girls. It was a lot more interesting to think about the sexual possibilities that all of a sudden presented themselves to me rather than living a life of sterile sobriety. But girls didn’t solve the problem—in fact they only brought new problems. I needed something more. I needed to find meaning.
Now, what ‘meaning’ actually means is a complex question and the answers will differ for everyone. Nevertheless, what I am basically referring to is the deep need to discover something that you are truly passionate about—a mission if you will. Furthermore, this mission should be something in which you can completely immerse yourself in, so you can enjoy what Csíkszentmihályi refers to as a ‘flow state.’
Flow is highly personal and can be found in whatever you want—a sport, a physical practice, a martial art, a musical instrument, making YouTube videos. Anything. For me, it was writing. Of course, it had been staring me in the face for years, but it was right about now that I finally embraced writing, acknowledging to myself that it had been the thing I wanted to dedicate my life to for many years.
The questions of what kind of writing, for whom, how to get it out there and most importantly, how to monetize it, all remained unanswered at that point. Nevertheless, I knew by the age of 27 that writing was the thing I wanted to pursue. And as soon as that clicked into place for me I began to feel happier.
You will notice that I use the word ‘happier’. I am not talking about ecstacy here, or having some sort of out of body experience created by the rapture of sitting down in front of my laptop every day. If only that were the case. No.
Nevertheless, once I was finally ‘on my path’, once I had found meaning, then I immediately felt happier than I had before. Of course, a decision to write in itself doesn’t create a huge amount of meaning. There is also the big, inevitable question of what you are to write.
That I hadn’t decided as yet. But I knew there was enough material inside me just bursting to get out, and I was confident that once I turned my attention to writing with all of my power then it would become obvious
Finding meaning is essential if we are to experience happiness. It is a key facet of ‘emandian’. It is not enough to have the sharp, but passing, highs of euphoria. You must create some ballast to that. You need weightiness, purpose.
In finding meaning you will achieve that.
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If you haven’r already, do head over to Amazon and pick up a copy of 10X Happiness, Zero Bullshit. Also, if you can leave me a review I’d be much appreciated!
