How To Stop Feeling Weird About Learning To Meet Girls

I’d considered writing a post about ‘where I am with game’ what with it being—still, just about—the beginning of 2017. I wanted to set down in writing certain vague, unexplored feelings I’ve been having about still being into game (or pickup, or PUA or whatever) for coming up for 13 years (and that’s not counting my untutored successes with girls before).

Because make no mistake, gaming at the age of 42 feels like a very different prospect than gaming at 22.

There are a multitude of mental hoops for a man to jump through when he considers making a formalised ‘project’ out of meeting women. Some of these are caused by societal shaming, others are not.

Let’s deal with the shaming first. Basically, it boils down to this. You shouldn’t study game—it’s manipulative. It’s sexist. It reduces women to mere pawns in a rather grubby game.

Now let’s look at the internally-generated objections. I shouldn’t need to learn pickup—my natural mate gets loads of girls and he’s never looked at a pickup website in his life. I’m too old for this. I should have ‘settled down’ by now (despite all of the red pill awareness I’ve accrued over the years). And—perhaps the kicker—this is beneath me. The continued pursuit of women, not to mention writing about it online, is vacuous, ultimately, and not really the sort of thing that I should be doing with my time.

(In another life I am writing a play and the second draft of a novel. Every word I write on this blog and ROK about picking up girls is one word less that I am contributing to my more ‘serious’ literary endeavours. There are counter-arguments to this, though. Henry Miller and Bukowski, amongst many others, wrote outstanding books about picking up women. Had I written Bukowski’s Women I’m pretty sure dying happy wouldn’t be too much of a problem)

The Truth

So what is the truth of the matter? Like everything it’s subjective. A hard-boiled feminist would very likely say that, yes, game is reductionist and sexist. A player will think the opposite. Which of them is right? As the Trump administration ferments and we have entered this strange period where ‘alternative facts’ are now not just acceptable but compulsory, I guess the actual ‘truth’ of anything is more-or-less immaterial. So all I can offer is my own perspective—which I guess is what you came here for, so here goes.

My take on the matter is that long-term monogamy is seriously challenged in today’s world, meaning that more men are single, either as a result of divorce, or because they’ve omitted to ‘put a ring on it’ in the first place (I fall into the latter camp; plenty of my friends fall into the former). This being the case, and it also being the case that men (and women) are programmed from DNA-level up to require sex, it is becoming compulsory to engage in ‘the hunt’ later and later in life. Pursuit of women as one waves goodbye to the shores of youth, then, is not only acceptable but inescapable.

The dating market though—bit of a bummer, isn’t it? If it were as simple as being a ‘nice guy’ and advertising oneself as such online or in person then all guys would be nice guys. However, as we are all aware, in order to have even a shot at a date with a high quality woman one must find ways to differentiate oneself from the market. These methods constitute what is commonly referred to as ‘game’.

Now, make no mistake—every man (and woman) in the world employs some sort of ‘game’, or strategy, in order to get laid. For every canned line memorised from the internet by AFCs there’s a woman out there wearing a push-up bra and uniquely misleading cosmetics.

To optimise one’s opportunities in the sexual marketplace is human: to do it well is to muff-dive.

For some reason, though, the idea of ‘learning’ game—that is, sitting down to read ebooks, blogs or watch YouTube videos—remains an anathema to a lot of people, both female and male. It gives them an icky feeling. That icky feeling is so pervasive that you might feel it too, even if you are your city’s most prolific PUA, your Mystery-style feather boa and cowboy hat always at the ready, your red LED belt poised to flash indiscernible text at insensible nightclub skanks.

Why Does Game Get Such a Hard Time?

As a guilty pleasure I sometimes watch the MTV show Ex on the Beach. We have it here in the UK and I believe it’s also shown in the states (although presumably Cancun will no longer be a location once the wall goes up).

For those who haven’t seen it, it’s where a bunch of hot, buff young girls in bikinis go to a beach resort with a bunch of hot, buff young guys. Over the course of the series the ex-lovers of the cast members emerge, buff and hot, out of the sea. Drama ensues. A lot of people get drunk and bang. Guy’s exs get banged by other guys and fights break out. More people bang.

Etc.

What interests me about this is that there seems to be zero feminist or cultural censure for these hot, buff young studmuffins talking on national TV about how many girls they have banged, the manner in which they would like to bang the girls they now find themselves surrounded by, or the enjoyment that they derived from the banging once it has taken place.

This seems at odds with the disdain that even the most innocuous game sites and books are held in in some quarters.

You Need to ‘Just Get It’

The reason for this phenomenon, in my opinion, is that game as it presented on websites like this one is a learned skill and nothing—nothing—offends and repulses girls more than the idea that a man has had to learn how to achieve intimacy with them. As Rollo of The Rational Male has said many times, a man who is deemed sexworthy by women must just get it.  If you don’t then you are by default a beta and therefore unattractive, or at least less attractive than other men who appear just to get it.

Men, I think, have a similar problem, just from the opposite perspective. Many men—perhaps most men—find the idea that they don’t just get it emasculating and shameful, to the point that even those who have formally learned game will take pains to conceal this fact from their conquests and other guys.

The reason that the fellas on Ex on the Beach get a pass is because they are ‘naturals’—or it looks that way, anyway. They’re just men who get it being men who get it. That is acceptable. Nothing to see here.

What is not acceptable is a guy who has had to study the tricks of the trade in order to get his piece of the fur pie. That guy is creepy, underhanded, dishonest, and, well . . . creepy.

The Flaw

Of course, this manner of thinking is flawed. As Roosh points out in an excellent article , just because a guy appears to be a natural doesn’t mean that he hasn’t learned game, just that his learning (through trial and error) was accelerated because of happy formative experiences where he was exposed to positive female affirmation early on.

For those less fortunate, given their biological imperative to get down and werk werk werk werk werk, what could be more natural than studying and emulating the techniques and behaviours that those naturals display? In its purest form, game could be viewed as a sort of apprenticeship where guys learn their ‘trade’ (seduction) by observing and copying those better than them, whether via books, videos, podcasts or whatever. And given that we all need sex to some degree or other, not to do so would actually seem the less natural route.

How to avoid that icky feeling, then? Think logically. You are optimising your opportunities in a turbulent dating market, that’s all. You are treating women with respect (or at least I hope you are). You are aware that no means no. You are gentlemanly (with a wicked glint in your eye). Rejection doesn’t worry you and you are not abusive or hostile when it happens. You make an effort to leave everyone you interact with better than you found them. You are an awesome guy to be around (apart from that pesky dark triad thing). You are a force for positivity, laughter and fun times rather than basement-dwelling grudge-wankery. You’re fun.

Stay logical. Maintain the fun and the laughter. Lose the icky feeling. Go out and approach.

For more on how to pick up sexy girls in the day or night check out my bestselling book here 

Read More: How Your Emotions Are Holding You Back From Massive Success With Girls