I found it hard to muster any enthusiasm for the royal wedding.
In the morning I went to meet a friend (Paul Janka, as it happens) over in Highgate. When I came back into central London at about 12-ish the streets were deserted, save for the outsides of a few bars and cafes where crowds were glued to the screens, taking photos, amidst a forest of unfurled Union Jacks.
I had some errands to run and so didn’t watch any of it. I’ve still managed to avoid watching any of the highlights online.
The fact is that I’m not particularly interested in weddings. If someone invites me to theirs my first response is to thank them politely while feverishly clawing my mind for the best possible excuse to offer up as to why I can’t attend.
I also hate so-called ‘stag-dos’. I think in the US these are called ‘bachelor parties’. In England they generally involve getting a bunch of ‘lads’ together to take a cheap flight to some Eastern European destination like Prague, where the participants get obnoxiously drunk and visit strip clubs and hookers.
Since I’m basically an introvert and I don’t drink such events are purgatory for me.
As far as a royal wedding is concerned—well, I don’t know these people and never will, so why should it interest me? Yes, our country has a proud history and it is gratifying in a way to know that people all around the world as so fascinated in it. But I don’t see why I should pay any great interest in the nuptials of two very rich, privileged people who I’ll never meet.
I am not anti-royal as such. I think the family do a good job as ambassadors and heads of state for the UK, and most Brits have affection for the Queen, Philip, the princes, Kate and others. But I can’t buy into the Kardashian-ifying of them that seems to go on these days.
Also, there’s a little bit of a question mark over Meghan, isn’t there? She was married before, for a start, which doesn’t seem like a great omen. If I was Harry I would never have got hitched at all. I would simply have carried on diving naked into Vegas swimming pools and banging royal groupies forever.
But I guess we all have different priorities.
Of course, marriage is a notoriously tricky business, with it failing more than succeeding (statistically) all over the world, another reason why I never feel particularly celebratory about it.
I bumped into a well-known actor who I know a little bit in Soho and asked if he’d seen the wedding.
‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m a republican. I can’t understand what people are still so interested in in 2018’.
I found it hard to disagree with him.
Still, I hope for Harry’s sake it works out. One thing is for certain—the huge affection that the public hold for him and William (and of course their mother Diana) means that if Meghan does turn out to be wrong-un she will never, ever be forgiven.
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