An interesting post from the Dating Advice For Men Reddit:
Any attractive dudes in here that constantly encounter mutual attraction they are unable to capitalise on?
It’s usually fleeting encounters in public, but even in situations that are supposed to be deemed “appropriate” social environments like bars and parties it is challenging. It seems that unless you are formally introduced, have mutuals or meet organically it will rarely go anywhere.
I’ve tried at length to pursue strangers with whom I share a mutual attraction, and have had plenty go smoothly throughout the entirety of the interaction; numbers exchanged, comfortable smiles, etc. Almost never see them again. Why does meeting “strangers” still carry such a stigma? Outside of college and work, most men have extremely limited networks, this makes it extremely difficult to meet someone and online is somehow worse.
Well, is he right in his observation, or wrong?
I would say wrong, since this is simply not my lived experience, and nor is it the experience of the guys I work with professionally, or the many guys we have coached between us over the years.
However – and herein lies the problem – my take on this is necessarily coloured by my own personal experiences.
And so is the OP’s.
And there is folly in assuming that our experiences are universal, as this simply isn’t true.
Let’s have a think, for a moment, about the factors that might be impeding the OP’s ability to actually get these women he is meeting in social situations out on a date.
Here are just a few:
- The city or town where he lives is small, and people are culturally more cautious there
- He lives in a country where meeting strangers is generally frowned upon
- He is doing (or not doing) something in these interactions that is negatively affecting their outcomes. For example, perhaps he is being super-friendly, but not generating the kind of attraction it takes to get a woman really interested.
- Perhaps his ‘text game’ sucks.
- Maybe he is misconstruing these women’s initial interest in him, evaluating it as more pronounced than it really is.
- Perhaps his conversation skills are lacking, or he is simply boring, and thus not really lighting the fires of the women he is meeting.
- He doesn’t tell us how many times he has done this (saying ‘I’ve tried at length’ is somewhat vague) – it might be that his sample size is simply too small.
And so on.
The OP attributes his lack of success solely to one factor – that ‘meeting strangers’ carries a stigma with it.
But is this really the reason he’s not getting dates, or could it be one – or a combination of – the other factors I’ve mentioned?
The truth is we don’t know, and unless he reaches out to me and I get to meet him in person, we are unlikely to find out.
But the wider takeaway here is that unless you have a holistic view of yourself and all the factors that may be affecting your situation, it’s hard to figure out what’s actually going on.
Which is precisely why getting a mentor is such a smart thing to do. It can literally shave years off your learning curve.
(And by the way, if you’re interested in having me as a mentor then you can book a free call with me to discuss here).
Overall, though, having any sort of limiting belief in your mind when you go out to socialise is going to be unhelpful.
Going out believing that ‘no one ever meets face-to-face these days’ will inevitably impact on your success, because, guess what, you will be subtly communicating to those people you meet that ‘this is not quite right’.
And they will pick up on that energy and likely mirror it back to you.
In my personal experience, men and women still love to meet in person, whether that’s in a bar, a cool lounge, a hotel lobby, a restaurant or a nightclub.
And many, many people far prefer it to meeting online, which feels sterile and somehow impersonal in comparison.
(Not to mention all the other problems that online brings with it, like catfishing and so on).
Yes, some people – often depending on their cultural background – find it novel or unusual to meet strangers with whom they have no prior connection at all.
And some people prefer to meet others connected with their social circle.
But that is by no means the entire population of the planet.
And even those who may normally meet via social circle will make an exception for the right guy or girl.
And as with so much that surrounds dating and interpersonal relationships, it comes down to your mindset.
If you go out entirely and firmly believing that: (1) meeting face-to-face is the most natural thing in the world (2) that it is far superior to meeting online and (3) that you are a high value man who any woman will be lucky to meet, even if you don’t happen to have any mutual friends yet then the energy you exude will be attractive and will draw the right people to you.
I’m not saying that every woman you interact with will want to go on a date with you, but that was never going to happen anyway.
What I am saying is that the energy you put out into the world tends to be reflected back to you. And therefore it pays to go out with an open heart as a social person keen to meet others, and to share positive experiences with them.
Do this with conviction and in time you will meet others you resonate with, I promise.
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