I want to read to you the post that I saw on Reddit where a guy describes the way his girlfriend dumped him due to the Coronavirus, so here we go:
I wish this would be a joke but it isn’t. So I have been together with my now ex for 3 months and our relationship was going great. Sure we had our ups and downs but generally speaking we were happy together. She even introduced me to her family and she met my parents.
Then the Coronavirus hit Europe and she started sending me those batshit crazy conspiracy theories: „USA are behind the virus“, „Israel did it“, „governments are hiding the truth“ – of course I thought that those videos are clickbait. I explained to her that neither the USA, Israel or any other government would have a single benefit out of releasing a global virus.
She never replied to my answers and just jumped over them. She got into multi level marketing too so i knew that she’s easy to influence….
Anyways yesterday was a very normal day: she was working, I was working (we are not living together) we were texting, sharing memes and had a phone call before she went to bed. There was nothing strange or worrysome going on.
But then the bomb went off this morning. She send me a text message that basically said that „the Coronavirus showed me that i have to work harder on my religion and pleasing god and that we were living in sin and for this reason we have to break up because i have to keep myself and my family save. Please don’t make it any harder and don’t try to contact me“
WTF. Of course i tried to contact her but she blocked me everywhere. I’m not mad or sad but my brain just can’t comprehend this – it’s really bizarre and feels like a joke. She wasn’t even this religious before and it really wasn’t a topic in our conversations.
If she would have broken up with me because I cheated, she found someone else or she simply doesn’t love me anymore – sucks but atleast I could understand it. But this is such a crazy reason to break up that my brain simply reached its limits.
Of course the thing is done and it will take some time to get over this entire situation but I’m sure that I will find someone new.
Has this ever happened before to somebody else? This complete change of heart within a single day? I really want to understand this.
Well, what a strange and unfortunate story. First of all I would like to make it clear that I am not writing this to denigrate or to mock the man who wrote this story on reddit. On the contrary, I feel great sympathy for this guy and his plight. It is never easy to break up with a partner, particularly when the reason that they give you for the break up is so insubstantial and seemingly illogical. That said, I wonder if there is anything that we can learn from this guy’s situation and whether it has applicability to our own dating lives.
The first thing that I would point out is that these guys were only dating for three months. That in itself is a red flag. At the 3-month mark you are not in any sense in a serious relationship. At the very most you are still feeling one another out.
My advice is not to formalise a relationship until much later than the three month mark – and ideally you’re talking six months up to even a year. So after just three months, if something of this kind happens, that is to say, if she pulls some strange and bizarre stunt which leads to you breaking up, you should not be deeply saddened or hurt because, in reality, the relationship has hardly begun anyway.
Therefore this guy’s mindset was wrong from the off – he believed a relationship existed and was a robust entity when in fact it was still in its most nascent stage.
In any case, I believe it’s very fortunate that our narrator got to see this side of his girl before things progressed any further because the behaviour she showed was not simply rational, and if she was capable of a trick like this this early on then goodness knows what she might have done later had things continued.
The second red flag she displayed was her fondness for conspiracy theories: the Reddit poster says that she tried to assign guilt for Coronavirus to both the US and Israeli governments. While it is clear that certain aspects of current affairs remain unexplained and we might speculate on the hidden reasons why, in the main, conspiracy theories are the preserve of weak-minded folk who like to imagine that the complexities of human life can be assimilated easily into bite-sized memes and overarching theories. It’s so-and-so’s fault that conditions are like this. If only so-and-so didn’t act in their own interests then things will be so much better for the rest of us. And so on. In each case we see an attempt to mollify the complexities of life to make it understandable, and in some ways more comfortable, as a result.
Better to believe in randomness. We live in complex times where different stimuli compete to create the reality that manifests itself around us. And that being the case, it is nigh on impossible for the individual to ascribe robust meaning to the phenomena that we encounter on a daily basis. And it’s pretty pointless to try. While it can be fun to engage with conspiracy theories once in a while, at some point you must ask yourself if it is really helping you to achieve your goals or not. Most of the time you will conclude that it isn’t. Conspiracy theories tend to be for losers who smoke too much weed and sit in their mother’s basement fapping to bizarre anime porn. Don’t fall into this trap yourself. Instead concentrate on the things that you can control.
The next red flag is this girl’s adherence to Christian doctrine – that is to say, her willingness to jettison her boyfriend for her belief in Christ. At least, that’s the excuse that she gives him anyway. He describes her as saying ‘the Coronavirus shows me that I have to work harder on my religion and that we are living in sin and that therefore we must break up’. Taken at face value this is completely ridiculous. Even the most devout Christian would have to be pretty arrogant to assume that a worldwide epidemic has been created for the sole purpose of teaching them a lesson about the brief, three month relationship that they have been in. This is self-aggrandisement of the very worst kind. In fact, it’s a betrayal of the Christian requirement for reduction of the ego, since it’s incredibly egotistical to assume that everything that happens in the world is about you. Would god really create coronavirus just break apart a young couple? I think not.
What if she actually believes what she’s saying and chooses to place her religion above her nascent relationship with our hero? Then he’s better off without her anyway. Why? Because such a seismic move so early wouldn’t bode well for the future. She would only do the same thing again further down the line. And the reality is that however ‘alpha’ you are, or however impressive a man you are, you will never be able to compete with God. So why even try? Far better to find someone who is less wrapped up in the supernatural, and more open to a relationship with you, a human being, instead.
It is also possible that she doesn’t believe this BS she’s spouting at all, and that in fact the whole ‘God created coronavirus and so therefore we should split up’ schtick is actually just an excuse for her to ditch her boyfriend. If so, well, that’s unfortunate, but what can you do? For whatever reason she has decided she wants out of the relationship and it is very unlikely that she can be talked round. As I’ve intimated, our hero would be ill-advised to do so anyway, because who wants to remain with someone who comes up with such a crazy excuse for kicking you to the curb?
But if it is the case that this guy would like to resume intimacy with his girl then the very best thing that he can do is simply to break all contact for a minimum of three months. That is to say, he should not respond to her message. He should block her on social media. He should not email her or speak with her or speak with any of their mutual friends or anything of that kind. A complete and very clean break must commence now. If – and it’s only an if – she decides that she wants to re-engage with him then she must come to him. There’s no point in him chasing her as the one who’s been dumped. It’s a harsh truth and it’s very difficult to abide by this kind of advice, but once a woman’s mind is made up it is very difficult to change it.
Of course, the failure of this young couple’s relationship by no means the worst casualty of the Coronavirus, but it is certainly a blow for the guy who wrote the reddit post. Nevertheless, three months into a nascent relationship you’ve hardly got to know the other person at all unpredictable behaviour like this from the girl suggests it wouldn’t have worked out over the long-term anyway.
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