You don’t let doubt get to you, because know that the right way is to be positive.
You get up early and you work hard – sometimes from 7 am to 11pm at night – because the online guru told you to ‘crush it’.
You work on rote tasks you don’t particularly enjoy, because you recognise that these are part of what it takes to get ‘there’ – wherever ‘there’ may be.
You try to decide whether business is an art or a science, and eventually after much pontificating you figure that it can be both, it just depends who is ‘doing’ the business.
For you, business is an art simply as you have always been the ‘arty’ type.
Or have you? Is that what you told yourself, but it was simply a narrative, a construct of the mind and nothing more?
What is innate talent, and what is learned? And does it matter anyway?
You always wanted to be a writer, a novelist. And yet now a lot of your time is subsumed in ‘commercial writing’ – copy and so on. The stuff of hacks.
This is not what you dreamed of when you read James Joyce on underground trains on the way to work.
And yet at least it is ‘writing’ – of a kind.
You saw yourself, at the end of last year, as a kind of Henry Miller character. A sexual adventurer who would live in tawdry rooms having even more tawdry sex with a string of different girls.
But you also had the hunger in you to make money. It comes from your restlessness, from your inability to accept things as they are.
Everything—for you—always has to be bigger, brighter, bolder.
And that requires money.
Money is needed to travel. Money is needed to reach the bright lights. Money is required to to enter the dimly lit clubs and the lounge bars where the beautiful ladies sit, idly playing with their pearls, awaiting entertainment.
Money is required for the decadent, renegade life you dreamed up for yourself—and which you have indeed lived.
And so you are making money. In 2019, seven figures, easily.
That you will be a millionaire is inevitable, as you continue on this trajectory. The bigger question is what you will do when you get there.
Art was always the dream – and the intention. And actually, creating your life as a palace of dreams that you designed as a child is art, of a kind. But literary fiction was meant to be the vehicle. And it will be.
Because the journey is a narrative. And all you ever wanted to do was to tell stories. And in order for a story to capture readers, it needs to be exciting.
And so your resolution is clear: you will live the strangest, most interesting, bizarre, carnivalesque life imaginable.
And then you will write about it. Here, on this website, in articles, and in your books.
You will be your subject, your protagonist.
And you will take your story to the very limits of what is possible.
Live the life you want, not the life you think you should.
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