If you take a look around the online men’s space – the space that deals with sex, dating and self-development, plus related topics – you’ll see that there are broadly two types of content creators out there: those who want to change the world, and those who want to change themselves.
Now, at first glance, the former might seem to be the more noble, right?
After all, who wouldn’t like to change the world? To make conditions better for the men and women around us?
To create a more stable society where human beings uniformly treat one another with respect, and according to clear ethical standards?
I’m sure a great many of us would like to see such a dream come true, but unfortunately it’s just that – a dream.
I don’t want to come across as defeatist. But what you have to realise is that human nature is very deeply ingrained – more deeply, even,than societal programming (and that’s pretty deep too).
So if it’s your aim to change the way people are fundamentally constituted then realise that you have an uphill battle ahead of you. That’s 200,000 years’ worth of programming you want to unravel.
And you are only one lone voice crying out in the wilderness. Yes, you might have tens of thousands of people following you on Twitter, or some other platform, and you might have a close coterie of associates racking up similar numbers, but that’s still a drop in the ocean.
You’re not going to reprogramme the collective unconscious from behind your laptop in Joe & The Juice.
The kinds of people who seek to affect human and societal change tend to be trads – traditionalists – religious folk, and those at the far ends of both sides of the political spectrum.
The underlying thinking all these groups have in common is ‘if only things were like this then everything would be great. So let’s find ways to force people to act like this’.
Let’s take female promiscuity as an example. There are those who believe that girls sleeping around when they’re young is responsible for the breakdown of society, since such girls find it harder to bond in relationships and marriage (or so the thinking goes, anyway).
The traditionalist’s response to this is to try to find ways to reduce or eradicate female promiscuity through religious laws, or via social shaming.
Probably a lot of these trads would also legislate against female promiscuity were they in government.
This is why you hear about people organising conferences to teach women how to be better. It’s a symptom of the mistaken belief that human nature – in its bestial sense – is responsive to tuition.
That people will do ‘the right thing’ if you use logic and resonant arguments in persuading them to do so.
But this approach is flawed – it just won’t work. Put simply, the sex drive is far deeper and more inherent in both men and women than appeals to their ‘better nature’ can reach. And the sexual impulse can’t be turned on or off with logic. So people who attempt to do so are wasting their time.
Even legal censure – which in practical terms is beyond the reach of most of us – only works to a certain extent. How many times have you read stories of infidelities and extra-marital sex taking place in countries where such things are forbidden by law? And where there are sometimes severe punishments for transgressors?
All of this is exactly why I recommend the 3 ‘A’s – ASSESS, ACCEPT & ADAPT as a better way forward.
Because really the only thing in life you can control is yourself and your immediate circumstances.
Therefore it’s better to take things as they are and plan your strategy accordingly. Here’s how it breaks down –
- ASSESS the terrain honestly and ruthlessly – both your personal situation plus what’s going on around you. How do people REALLY act? Don’t rely on online gurus to tell you. Trust your own observations and gut
- ACCEPT life the way it is. Yes, maybe the sexual marketplace isn’t to your liking. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to go on Twitter and moan. Instead, take a deep breathe and decide to simply ACCEPT.
- ADAPT – this is the most important part. Now you’ve worked out what your position is (both positively and negatively) and accepted it, you’re ready to plan your next move.
The great news – as I said on Rule Zero recently – is that, despite whatever challenges the current market may throw up, we also have more opportunities than EVER before.
You have all the information you need at your fingertips. You have instant seamless connectivity via the internet and apps. You have cheap global travel. You have all the tools you need to live better than the richest sultan in his palace less than a century ago.
So rather than railing against forces you can’t influence in 2020, and becoming unhappy and bitter in the process, instead ASSESS, ACCEPT and ADAPT. And move forward to a better life in dating, business and sex.
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