Experience is king. If you are experienced at this or that skill—at socialising, or at dating, or at running as business or whatever—then clearly you are in a better place than if you are not experienced at all.
However, none of us are experienced at everything.
It is impossible.
And at any moment we might be required to step into a new arena where our lack of experience will be highlighted and may disadvantage us. So how should we handle such situations?
The standard answer to this is something along the lines of ‘fake it ’til you make it‘. That is, if you go on a date and you are not very experienced at going on dates then simply make like you are. Act as if.
Go into the situation like a boss and bluff your way though.
This is monumentally good advice. However, there is a particular strand to it which is often overlooked but which is also crucial: in any situation you are uncertain of, you must base your actions on experiences you’ve already had.
In life, no situation is entirely unique. There is always an analogue. What you want to do is to locate the closest one to your current, challenging scenario and mirror your previous behaviour.
For example, you may never have been on a date before, but you have probably been out for drinks with friends. Or you’ve met someone for coffee. So you know broadly the way things should go.
That is a ridiculously simple illustration, but you get my point. A better one is when I bought my apartment in Berlin. I had no experience of German real estate law (which, believe me, is frighteningly tortuous). So when I went into a meeting with an attorney, my agent, the vendor’s agent and a translator I was understandably a little out of my depth.
But:
- I had dealt with lawyers in the UK before
- I had bought property in London
- I had attended countless business meetings
So even though this specific situation was entirely new to me–I was inexperienced in it—I nevertheless had applicable experiences that I could bring to bear. I used these previous experiences as touchstones, and in doing so was able to complete the meeting successfully.
There is nothing new under the sun and, once you are over the age of twenty, there is no human situation that doesn’t bear at least some small resemblance to something else you’ve been through. Be confident and fake it to make it, yes. But also think back, locate the comparable situations you’ve encountered and use them as the springboard for your actions now.
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