We all have to learn the difference between reward and indulgence. And this goes for our social interactions are well as the way we treat ourselves.
When dealing with a girlfriend, or with a business contact, or even just a friend, we need to be careful not to indulge ‘bad’ behaviour. By that I don’t mean morally or ethically bad behaviour, necessarily. I just mean behaviour that does not benefit us in some way.
For example, say you are at the bar buying drinks for a girl who is persistently rude to one of your friends throughout the night. To continue to buy drinks for her under these circumstances would be to indulge her in this poor conduct. If you want to continue buying her drinks then that is up to you, but you have to understand what you are doing.
A better strategy would be to stop buying her drinks, and tell her plainly that the way she is acting is upsetting to both you and your friend.
If she changes her behaviour, and apologises to your friend, then you might decide to purchase her another drink as a reward.
The same idea is also relevant for how we treat ourselves. We all need food to survive. That much is obvious. But what is better for us—chicken and vegetables, or cream cakes? One is a nutritious reward to our body for its hard work. The other is clearly an indulgence,
The examples I’ve used so far are extremely obvious. But often this dynamic can be a lot more subtle. If I choose to read a few chapters of my favourite book after a hard day’s work, at what point does that stop being a reward, and when does it become an indulgence? If I read until three in the morning and make myself late for work the next day then arguably that is an indulgence.
Every time you take an action designed to make you or someone else feel good, take a step back instead and consider whether the action is a reward or an indulgence. If the former, then that’s fair enough. If the latter, then consider whether or not indulgence really is the best course of action to take right now.
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