6 Motivation Tips For When You Don’t Feel Like Going Out To Socialise

Do you want to enjoy the renegade life, but you’re not getting the results with dating you’d like, or feel that you should be getting?

A major problem faced by many of us at one time or another is lack of motivation. When faced with the choice between going out into the unpredictable and potentially harsh world of the club to meet new people (or to the mall, if daygame is your thing) or staying at home and loading up Netflix, the temptation is often to choose the latter.

So how do you break free of this understandable-but-unhelpful inertia?

Here’s a six-step strategy:

1. Accept Your State of Mind

Look, there’s no easy way around not wanting to put yourself on the line. The truth is that there’s not a human being alive who wouldn’t rather life was less difficult.

Unfortunately, the reality is that 90% of the time life is a struggle and you only get out of it what you put in. But you’re only human, so don’t beat yourself up.

If you know you should be taking a particular course of action, but just can’t bring yourself to do so, simply pause for a moment, take a deep breath and observe your own resistance.

Don’t judge yourself — simply note your feelings and try to accept them.

2. Understand That Feelings Are Temporary

Think about all the times you’ve felt unhappy or anxious or worried. They passed, right? Realise that whatever you are feeling now that is making you inactive will also pass, be it tiredness, depression, boredom etc.

Take a few moments to project into your future and imagine yourself feeling positive and motivated again.

Now, make an effort to ‘borrow’ from those future good feelings to vibe yourself up in the now.

3. Take ‘the Next Right Step

Don’t think about the bigger picture—the night ahead, the intimidating door staff at the club, the bright lights, the loud music and that bitchy girl you may regret approaching.

Instead, break down the process of going out into small, manageable chunks and simply do the next right thing.

Hungry? Cook a meal.

Need something to wear? Iron a shirt and pick out a pocket square.

Need transport? Call a cab.

Don’t stress yourself out. Just be sure to accomplish those few small incremental actions that will get you out of your apartment.

4. Keep Your Long-Term Goals in Mind

While you are taking these incremental steps, on a meta level you need to have some sense of why you are doing so.

As I’ve just said, you shouldn’t think about the minutiae of the night ahead: what you must do, though, is keep in mind your wider goals. If your  intention is to date prolifically then it follows that you must approach; and in order to approach you must go out.

All success is founded to some degree on the sublimation of temporary discomfort in the interest of a greater good — think for example of the athlete who spends many hours training while his friends are socialising so that he can compete in the Olympics.

Remembering that your feelings are temporary and that taking action will have a positive impact on your ambitions should be enough to jolt you into activity.

5. Remember: Action Creates Momentum

Simple actions create momentum, and momentum creates results.

Most of us have probably felt under par before going on to have a fantastic night at least once in our lives.

Trust your own capacity to rise to the occasion once you get into a social environment. Once you’ve arrived at the club or the bar, the drinks are flowing, the music is playing and there are beautiful girls all around your motivation will naturally increase.

Bear in mind that how you feel will change once you get out there, and pull forward those good feelings you know you’re bound to enjoy.

Having a couple of drinks at home and putting on some loud party music will help too.

6. Lower The Bar –  Sometimes Just Going Out To Socialise Is Enough

Remember: you don’t have to be master dating expert.

In fact, you don’t even have to be that good.

All too frequently, guys (myself included) will put undue pressure on themselves, as though they have to live up to some externally-defined standard.

You don’t.

However long you’ve been going out,you’re allowed to have an off-night. Why not see how many times you can get rejected. It really doesn’t matter — going out is meant to be fun, remember?

Every so often life will throw you a line. There have been many occasions I’ve gone out and met a girl out who just happened to like me — not because of my amazing verbal skills, but simply because of natural chemistry.

The same thing will happen for you—but only if you go out.

As the expression goes, you have to be in it to win it. You can’t expect a girl just to turn up at your bedroom while you’re playing World of Warcraft. But going out and socialising at least means there’s a fighting chance that you might meet someone you just happen to click with through minimum effort.

Hopefully these tips will help you get over those tough bumps in the road where you just don’t feel like going out.

If these worked for you, or if you have any suggestions of your own, please let me know in the comments section below.

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