I’m Troy Francis
A dating and confidence coach for men. I’m also an author, having written eleven books on dating and relationships, as well as countless articles on related topics.
Through in-person and online coaching, plus through my writing and YouTube videos I’ve helped thousands of men learn to overcome trauma and social anxiety to become the best possible versions of themselves and excel both socially and with women.
I’m extremely grateful to be able to say that my YouTube videos have received over one million views – a testament, I hope, to the raw, authentic and honest way in which I discuss my own struggles with socializing, and my ongoing journey towards self-improvement.
As a coach I work with extremely ‘high value’ men – generally guys who are a little older (40+ like myself) and who, in the eyes of the world at least, have achieved a great deal. Many were educated at the world’s most prestigious universities (Harvard, Cambridge, Stanford) and work in prestigious jobs in finance, medicine, law and so on. They live affluent lives and are based in great cities like London, New York, Rome, Paris and so on.
But the one thing they all have in common? Something is holding them back from achieving the happiness and choice they crave in their relationships and lives.
I mainly work with these men one-on-one, challenging them to drill down to the very root of their problems, to confront themselves and the demons they face from the past, and create proactive strategies for them to attract the women they want to date, while also enjoying better friendships, family relationships and bonds with others generally.
But you know the reason why I got into all of this in the first place . . . ?
It’s because I was the one who needed coaching most of all.
You see, I am far from being a ‘natural’ when it comes to making friends of charming the opposite sex.
Quite the opposite – I was extremely shy and introverted as a child, finding it really hard to mix with the other kids when I was at school.
And as for girls – forget about it! While there were some who expressed an interest in me as a teenager, invariably I would ‘fall in love’ with the pretty girl in the class who inevitably didn’t fancy me, and I’d waste countless weeks and months mooning over her and not developing new and more fruitful relationships.
What didn’t help was that life at home had been less than ideal for many years. My parents had divorced when I was seven years old, and my father had remarried my stepmother, with whom I had a rocky and often combative relationship. With no sense of security or warmth at home, it really did feel like me against a cruel and loveless world.
Things took a turn for the worse when I left home, aged 18, for university. I moved to Manchester in the north of England, and immediately my repressed shadow side emerged and I quickly fell into a life of partying – drinking to excess and using party drugs like MDMA and cocaine, since this was at the time of the ‘house music’ and club explosion in the early 1990s.
These indulgences got me into a lot of trouble and very nearly derailed my life – something I talk a lot about in my videos and books. But ironically, they also opened me up just enough so that pretty quickly I transformed from a shy, bashful adolescent, to cocky, funny ‘man about time’. Plus, working in bars and nightclubs helped, and for the first time my dating life ‘took off’ – I started meeting and attracting women I was actually interested in.
But inside I was broken – my drinking was getting out of hand, and even though I now had a sex life, it all felt meaningless, shallow and empty. Plus while I was now able to flirt and hold a conversation with a woman, it was very ‘hit and miss’. I hadn’t yet developed a naturally attractive persona. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
I moved back to London in the early 2000s and started to learn about dating in a more tactical way. The book The Game by Neil Struass had just come out, and online forums and blogs were springing up full of advice on dating.
I devoured this stuff and – to be fair – it really helped my confidence and encouraged me to get out there. By this time I was sober from alcohol and drugs, and so was – pretty much for the first time – experiencing life ‘neat’. And this new information – shared on the internet, which was still a relatively young space – was invaluable in helping me to socialize and meet new people in London, a city which can feel alienating and unfriendly at first.
But still – it all felt hollow. Many of the men I met from these online communities were only out to sleep with as many women as possible in order to validate themselves. And they believed that by ‘just saying this one thing’, or memorising lines or routines, they would become modern-day Casanovas.
While I had a good time hanging out in the bars and clubs with guys like this, I wanted something more – I wanted to find a way to create genuine and lasting connections with women (and make friends) coming from a place of authenticity. In other words, I wanted to be me, and have women accept me for me – but as my very best possible self.
And so I decided to find a natural way to socialise and date as myself - or die trying!
And so immediately I dropped all the elaborate games people recommended online and set about learning to communicate in a more natural and grounded way.
I devoured self-help advice, not just on romance, but on all the key areas of my life from fitness and nutrition to career and finances, self confidence and mindset and more.
I started writing, and published my first book ‘The Seven Laws of Seduction’ and began selling it online, soon making enough per month to convince me to give up the corporate job I hated and go into business as a self-published author and coach.
I began blogging, both on this website, and for other people, and I created a podcast and then later my YouTube channel.
As my work started to gain traction online, guys would come to me asking for advice, and I began to offer coaching services – something I’m hugely grateful for, because I always learn at least as much as my clients.
Above all, I learned that what was key for a man looking to improve was working on his core self first of all – finances, fitness, relationships and mindset – before presenting the overall ‘package’ to the world in the most efficient and charming way possible.
I wanted to help men like me, who had loads of potential but – because of their demons and low self-esteem – had held themselves back from realising their full worth.
Plus, I wanted to do all of this in a gentlemanly way that was not misogynistic and was appreciative of women.
For far too long I’d seen guys posting horribly misogynistic things in comments sections and on forums online dedicated to meeting women. This always seemed illogical and self-defeating to me. If you dislike women so much then why do you want to meet them? For it was clear that both men and women each grappled with challenges in the dating marketplace – different challenges, true, but equal in weight and gravity.
And I knew that entering into dating with a negative attitude about the opposite sex was the ultimate act of self-sabotage.
PLUS, I love women, female energy, and being around it as much as possible. Anyone living in a ‘masculine only’ world is missing out on much of the richness of life.
Men and women are, in my view, complementary and better together than not.
In general, a lot of the dating advice I saw aimed at men was either ineffectual and naive (‘Just be nice’ and so on) or it was crude and fratboy-esque. I instinctively knew that there was a gap in the market – a big gap – for content that was classy and intelligent, and catered to a more discerning audience. My interests outside of socialising and dating include style, travel, literature and art, and I wanted to bring these elements into my work rather than trying to be a copyist of more ‘clickbait-y’ material.
Also, above all my aim is to be honest about the journey that I’m on and the ever-changing challenges I face as I move forward in life - challenges which I know are shared by others like me.
Strategies for meeting women and bringing them into one’s life are relatively straightforward, after all. The bigger issue for many men is what design for life they actually want, and how to go about getting it.
For example, do you want to be married and live in suburbia with your wife and 2.4 kids? If so, that’s fine and I’ll help you get there. But that template doesn’t work for everyone. Increasingly I encounter men who are living and working remotely and who want more flexible romantic and sexual relationships. And how do you square this with also growing older and searching for meaning in life?
Few if any coaches consider these issues, much less offer advice on them, and this is the direction I knew I needed to direct my work in.
Today I am a lot happier and more content than I was when I was a younger man.
I am now confident in my ability to meet and date women I’m attracted to, and as a self-employed and location-independent person I’m living life on my own terms. But the journey towards self-development never ends, and I am still a work in progress, learning a little more every day and sharing it with others in the hope that it will offer some clarity or insight, or encouragement.
I gain my greatest satisfaction from helping other men to find more effective ways to express their true selves and to approach women in a natural and authentic manner. I have always been obsessed with the minutiae of social interactions (I think feeling like an outsider made me this way) and I’ve studied it all my life, both as an observer and a participant. And having coached so many men in this area I can confidently say that I am one of the best in the world at identifying and diagnosing your sticking points, plus formulating and articulating strategies to help you to move forward.
Here are the three key principles on which my work is based.
Be yourself, but the best version of yourself
‘Be yourself’ is both the best and worst advice you can give someone. Yes, you need to be yourself, but if ‘yourself’ is a man who plays video games all day and has no ambition then that’s not going to be very attractive to anyone.
The reality is that ‘yourself’ is a malleable entity. For example, years ago I was someone who didn’t travel very much. Now I’m a seasoned traveller. Am I less ‘myself’ when I step on a plane to Bogota? No, I’ve simply grown as an individual.
And that’s the important thing – you must be true to the core of what ‘you’ are, but you must simultaneously always be stretching yourself, and finding new ways through which you can express your identity.
In other words, if you don’t go to the gym now, start. If you don’t take an interest in fashion and grooming, being now. If you don’t eat properly, start doing so today. Doing these things doesn’t mean you’re trying to be someone else – you’re simply extending the definition of what you are.
Be proactive
In dating, as in all aspects of life, you have to be proactive. For most men, for the most part, women aren’t going to do the work for you. You are the one who will be expected to approach and to initiate things.
Many men have a ‘build it and they will come’ mentality – that is, ‘if I just get six-pack abs or a job paying six figures then I’ll be swamped by interested girls’
While it’s great to get those things for yourself, a great many men who already possess these attributes struggle with dating. Why? Because they are not proactive. They don’t put themselves out there. They have a great product but they neglect to market it.
And that’s where coaching can really help, because together we’ll develop a strategy to help you to do so by putting you in front of more women from day one.
Be authentic and natural in dating
A lot of old-school dating and ‘game’ advice is nonsense, to be honest. If you see anyone promising that ‘you can attract any woman by saying these six things’ then you know you’re dealing with a conman.
And the truth of the matter is, what would the point be of meeting someone under false pretences? There’s no value in pretending to be a strong, silent, 2D alpha male type in the bar if really you are chatty and love talking about movies and books.
In reality lines don’t work, routines don’t work, and games don’t work. What ‘works’ is being the best version of yourself, putting yourself out there consistently, and making a great first impression. Do that enough and you will make the breakthrough you desire.
Once you internalise these principles then you will start to become far more attractive to those around you.
You will exude the right kind of energy and you will draw those women into your life who are meant to be there.
You will feel more confident, more grounded, more magnetic, and you will have a lot of fun along the way!
Are you ready to rewrite your story and take your life to the next level?
If so then APPLY FOR A FREE INITIAL CALL NOW to discover how we can work together.
How I Can Help You
I’m here to teach, encourage, and strategize with you. I can assist you in achieving your dating and relationship objectives with my books, courses and coaching services.
I’m here to assist you in reaching the highest levels of your potential, no matter if you’re new to dating or returning to the field— whether it’s for love, a marriage, or simply friends with benefits.