Republishing this, an old post of mine from 2016 on the dangers of the so-called ‘purple pill’….
Those of you who read my writing on ROK as well as on this site may be somewhat surprised to learn that this year I entered a relationship with a girl that led to us living together in my apartment in London. She stayed from June until last Sunday, when she packed up all of her things, shrinkwrapped her clothes in plastic bags, dumped it all in a van and went back to her parents’ place in the country.
If you know me as a game writer than perhaps this raises some questions—namely, why the hell did I get into monogamous relationship in the first place, and more specifically, why on earth did I let her move in with me? I want to get into these questions in this post, not only to offer transparency to my readers, but also because I think the issue of ‘falling into’ a relationship will resonate with a lot of other guys out there.
As I recently Tweeted, ‘The thing that tears men apart is we crave female affection but we simultaneously want sex with a variety of different women.’ I hashtagged it with #eternalproblem because I’m down with the millennials. That Tweet was the most succinct I could get at pinpointing this most fundamental dilemma that men face in their relations with women, and I mean all men, from betas to the most alpha players you can imagine.
Unless you are a sociopath (and yes, they exist and they get laid loads) then it is almost certain that even if you are pulling a new girl every week then you are going to get attached to one every once in a while. I have met and spoken with some of the most famous players in the world and without exception all of them have succumbed to an LTR at some point in their career. Most of them have done it serially in fact, but it is rarely talked about. After all, if you’re a big-name PUA who relies on selling books and courses on pick-up to make a living then it could be damaging to the brand to reveal that in private you like nothing more than cuddling up with your ‘special’ girl watching Netflix every weekend.
The big secret of the pick-up world, though, is that most men are not really in it for the sex (well, not after their first hundred or so lays, anyway). Sex is great, of course, and new pussy never gets old, but what we really all crave is a woman’s affection. Most probably this is something to do with trying to replicate the love of one’s mother or something Freudian like that, but I’m a little sceptical of straightforward cause-and-effect in psychology so I’ll refrain from getting into that one. I can anticipate some pushback for saying this from the keyboard alphas out there, but I’ll say it again—unless you’re actually a sociopath then the desire for affection is innate in all of us and will reveal itself eventually despite our best efforts to suppress it.
A familiar trope on men’s websites these days is ‘purple pill.’ This term is used to refer to a man who has ingested a degree of red-pill knowledge, but who is sucked back into his blue pill ways when he meets a ‘special girl’. Usually the story ends badly with the guy getting dumped, or cheated on, or somesuch. But the assumption—in my reading—-is that the purple pill dude involuntarily relinquishes his knowledge of ‘the realities of female behaviour’ at the first sign of a pretty face.
I want to put forward the notion that the purple pill does not always operate like this, or at least not for men who have been players and have some notches under their belts. In my case, I met my ex-girlfriend (I’ll call her A. for the purposes of this article) a year ago, experienced great sexual chemistry with her and, ensuingly, great sex (she gives the best blowjobs I think I’ve ever had). She is pretty, slim, very well-groomed and with that kind of untouchable, slightly bitchy vibe that a lot of English girls in London have. This to me was catnip and to a degree A. gamed me early on by playing hard to get.
But underneath her formidable exterior she has some great qualities—she is loyal (or appears to be, at least), she is very bright and perceptive, a great political operator and someone with whom I felt I could form a team. Although I make some cash from writing about game, my main gig is still in the corporate world, unfortunately. Because I am working to get my financial house in order, I need to persist with this for a bit and A. seemed like a great ally who might help me in this endeavour.
Unfortunately—and some will say predictably—these qualities ended up being overshadowed by her desire to control me, to change up my apartment, to prevent me from seeing friends, blah blah blah. All the usual things that happen when a woman moves into a guy’s place in the context of a monogamous relationship. It appeared that she believed she had the right to boss me around in my own home just because she was fucking me. Unfortunately I am now in my early 40s, have resisted living with a woman since my 20s, and had little enthusiasm for her plans for marriage, domesticity, children and interior decor. Hence the eventual breakup. Nothing unusual here.
The point I want to make as far as the purple pill is concerned, though, is that at no point did I believe that this girl would ‘complete’ me, that she was a special and unique snowflake, that she was not prone to hypergamy. I continued to read manosphere blogs and game books. Despite her assurances that she wasn’t the cheating type, that she would love me forever, I remained sceptical. I may have been technically purple pill then, but I was aware of the risks—I hadn’t been seduced by a pretty face into disbelieving my hard-won knowledge of the usual reality of relationships.
But I still allowed the relationship to continue.
So why would a player with around 200 notches enter into a set-up like this? Well, my honest view is that it comes down to a kind of laziness combined with a sort of hazy hope that this time things might be different (NAWALT). Players, perhaps more than other men, are aware of the pitfalls of the sexual marketplace. Sometimes it all gets a little exhausting. Every so often you want to step off the merry go round and just chill with a girl who seems friendly and to have your best interests at heart.
But of course, as Rollo counsels us, there is no respite from the sexual marketplace, not even in marriage.
The alpha response to all of this is to say that men should simply resist the temptations of an LTR, remain the lone gunslinger for all eternity. This may well be correct. But as I’ve noted, most men, even so-called alphas, don’t actually adhere to this over the long-term, revealing the gap between the aspiration and the verities of human nature.
‘We crave female affection but we simultaneously want sex with a variety of different women’—it’s a thorny problem for which there is not a ready answer. Yes, spin plates, have FBs and soft-harems and keep your options open. But how long is that strategy sustainable for?
In the meantime I’m a single man again so you can expect to see an upswing in pickup reports and game advice on here. For me it’s back to the merry go round—my only home.
Read more: 6 Ancient Wisdom Tips for Avoiding Burnout