It’s a sad fact that many guys find the seduction community as a result of a break up.
Often they have been in a relationship for some time, it hasn’t worked out, one or the other of the parties has pulled the plug (usually the girl) and now our man is left wondering how to get out there and live the bachelor lifestyle that he’s always craved.
Or one that has been forced on him by circumstances.
Many of these guys—understandably—are looking for quick fixes. After all, when we are in emotional pain (and a break up, even one you’ve instigated, involves pain) it’s natural. But they run the risk of being overwhelmed by information, uncertain about how to go on.
And worse, they might make a few tepid gestures towards the dating marketplace only to be rebuffed and feel angry, upset, and hopeless.
If this sounds familiar, the simplest piece of advice I can give you is to take it slowly. There really is no other way.
We would all like to walk out of the house the day after we’ve split up with our long-term girlfriend, go to the nearest bar and take home a stunning girl. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Our hurt from the breakup would be assuaged and our attractiveness validated.
Such an outcome is not impossible—you might strike lucky—but it is unlikely. What is more probable is that when you go out to talk to girls for the first time in ages you will be uncalibrated, awkward and rusty.
And what is worse is that you might well place too much expectation your approaches: ‘This next pickup has just got to work, because if it doesn’t then what will that say about me and my attractiveness?’
Relax. Slow down. Take it easy. You must let go of these feelings if you are to get back onto an even keel with seduction. You must not give in to the ‘me! now!’, childish mentality that your mind tricks you into.
It will do you no good.
‘But that’s unfair. It’ll be so much easier for my ex to find someone new than it is for me,’ your ego might wail. Well, yes—but so what? Release yourself from such unproductive worries for there really is no value to be gained from comparing yourself to her.
Because from the moment you split up your lives became entirely separate entities, divergent streams that no longer have to meet, intersect or even flow at the same speed.
Yes it could be that she goes out tonight and meets a new man, while you strike out with every girl you speak to. But again, so what? For one thing you should have broken all contact with her, so you won’t know what she’s doing anyway. And if you do make the mistake of winding up in the same bar as her then you should leave as soon as you find out.
And for another thing, people’s lives develop at different rates. Ys, she might pick up someone new more quickly than you. It doesn’t mean she’ll be happy. If anything it will be the opposite, since girls often enter into ill-advised rebound relationships.
So don’t worry about her. Focus on you instead. And as you do so, acknowledge to yourself that you are a beginner that you are essentially at ground zero and you have to work your way up.
Look, even experienced players are rusty when they’ve taken time away from the field. So why they hell shouldn’t you be?
Take your time and attend to the basics.Look as good as you can, dress well, approach, have real conversations and ask for a phone number or contact details every time.
Then, each time, follow up with some flirty banter and ask her on a date. When you get her out on the date be charming and escalate: that is, take the initiative and move things forward in the direction you want.
Just keep taking the actions. Keep moving forward and doing those simple things. There really isn’t anything particularly complicated here. You just have to keep doing the right things and not get put off by the inevitable setbacks you will encounter.
And if you can do that for long enough then in the end you will succeed.
In life nothing happens as quickly as we would like it to. Well, rarely anyway. But as with most things, it is process over the long term rather than quick wins that will provide the greatest return.
And this is as true of meeting girls as any other discipline you might mention.
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