You need to get to the point where you don’t care if she flakes on you. No matter how hot she is it doesn’t matter. Why? Because you’ve got so much else going on in your life that her flaking will actually help you out.
Guys pay lip-service to the idea that they should have a mission in life over women. And yet there’s still a lot of bitching and butthurtness online about girls being late, or cancelling at the last minute, or not turning up at all.
But if you feel pissed enough to write a comment or blog post complaining about a girl not showing up then ask yourself this: why do you care so much?
The very fact that you’re butthurt betrays the fact that you were too invested in the outcome. Ironically, it might well be that that over-investment that she picked up on subconsciously caused her to have second thoughts.
In any interaction it is the person who cares least who has the most power. If you care too much about what happens then you are lost.
Learn not to care. OK, she’s hot. OK, it’s annoying that she’s wasted a small amount of your time. But so what?
In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. In the big scheme of things, you should be happy. Happy that she has gifted you the most precious thing in the world: time.
I’ve got to the point now where I sometimes arrive at the date venue secretly hoping that the girl I’m there to meet will not show. Why? Because I’ve got so many other things to do. There is my writing. There is my business. There is reading. There is exercise. There is education. There are administrative tasks to be attended to.
When I was younger I used to think that sex was so important that it overrode all of those things. Perhaps you feel that way now. If you do, that’s perfectly normal. I don’t judge you for it.
Possibly it is a consequence of age that I am no longer quite so concerned with the vagaries of behaviour exhibited by twentysomething girls. Perhaps my sex drive has tailed off (and it does, which is both a curse and a blessing. But that’s for another article).
But the truth is I am still as sexually-motivated as I was when I was a much younger man. It’s just that these days I see the bigger picture. I don’t want my entire life to have been composed only of sexual encounters. There is a lot more than that to achieve, a lot more work to do, a lot more world to see.
I no longer allow my genitals to rule my life and I’m a lot happier for it.
The other thing, of course, is that I am always approaching new girls, always creating new opportunities. So I have a sense of abundance which, for a man on the dating scene, is pretty much like a superpower.
These days, if a girl does happen to flake on me (it occurs from time-to-time, although not regularly) I give her fifteen minutes or so and then I go and do something else. I don’t message her. If she wants to contact me then I might reassess—depending on the circumstances—or I might not. But in most cases I forget the whole thing pretty much immediately.
One final point: ironically, it was only when I got to thinking this way that girls started to flake on me far, far less than they ever had previously. Which is something worth bearing in mind.
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