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Game for 40+ Men Pt 1: Why Learn Game If You’re Over 40?

I have been planning for some time to write a series of articles about game for men who are in their 40s for two reasons—firstly, I fall into that age group myself and so I can speak from first-hand experience, and secondly, I don’t see a whole heap of high-quality game content targeted specifically at men of my age.

When you think about it, most of the game material that is out there is aimed at young beginners and it’s created by men in their twenties or thirties. The best of it undoubtedly has application for guys who are older, and this I consume. But as with anything, it’s hard to communicate with real authenticity unless one speaks from direct experience, and younger guys simply haven’t yet seen game through the prism of the fifth decade like I have.

The reasons for this are, I think, pretty self-explanatory. When you get down to it, game tends to be a consuming interest for young, horny men looking to sleep with as many women as possible. And since the pick-up explosion of the last decade most—but not all—men who were its most enthusiastic exponents have either settled down, got married and had families, developed other interests or simply disappeared from the ‘scene’ altogether, presumably to pursue careers in other areas.

There is also, of course, a strong societal pressure for this to occur as after a certain age (probably mid-thirties) guys are expected to ‘settle down’ and ‘do the right thing’ by getting shacked up with a woman and siring a couple of kids. Most of my friends have done this and I am not knocking them for it. Certainly, if you have a strong urge to have children—and a lot of guys do, perhaps most, seeing as it’s our biological imperative to do so—then this is the most common route to take.


For me, though, the notion of ‘settling down’ is problematic for a number of reasons. For one, I don’t especially want children. I have never been particularly paternal and for various reasons that are doubtless rooted in my somewhat less than serene childhood the notion of ‘family life’ makes me feel claustrophobic and queasy. For another, I am nothing if not ruthlessly ambitious and there are many things that I want to achieve which I don’t feel would be possible with a wife and screaming kids in tow. And on top of this, even when I remove my ‘manosphere’ hat for a moment and try to look at marriage as objectively and fairly as I can I can’t help but feel that the whole institution is flawed beyond belief.

Put it this way: I’ve only got one life and it’s already halfway over (if I’m lucky and live to an average age, of course). I’ve lived through a number of privations and seen some difficult times. Now, in the last couple of years, I’ve reached a point where a a degree of freedom might be attained. Perhaps I can even be able to smash out of the matrix and escape the corporate machine for good. And I still feel young! Imagine that?

So why the hell would I want to bury myself under family commitments and debts now?

Of course, it is ironic that it is at precisely this point that I find myself seemingly most sought-after by women hoping for commitment and marriage: certainly it was the relentless pressure for the same from my ex that caused me to eject from that particular relationship during the winter just passed.

But don’t let me give you the impression that any of this is glib or easy. Do I feel pangs of sadness that my nature, so intractably individualistic, so arrogantly contemptuous of anything it perceives as mundane, appears to be leading me down a path where family and marriage will be foregone for the headier pleasures of profit and dissolution? Yes, I do feel some sadness about that. But I console myself with the thought that it is not as though everyone who is married or who has children is ecstatically happy, and so my avoidance of that state is perverse. In fact the opposite appears to be true in most cases.

“To enjoy the decline, or to start a family, that is the question,” notes Illimitable Man in his excellent article ‘The Choice‘. In a later section called The Patriarch he expands thusly:

If a man is to marry, there is reasonable fear the fresh legal supremacy his woman enjoys will disrupt the balance of power that previously maintained their relationship. The informed man is all too aware the legal privilege of the modern wife can be used to force him into domestic servitude, and that legally speaking, the marriage hangs on a thread tied to a hovering sword that follows him wherever he goes.

From the moment he has said “I do”, a dangling sword of Damocles stalks him, scrutinising his every action, primed to strike. Too many mistakes, and the sword falls, divorce initiated, financial and emotional chaos wrought.

(My emphasis in bold)

This is the problem in a nutshell—and I should point out that I regard the potential ’emotional chaos’ wrought by marriage as serious, if not more serious a consideration than any financial penalty incurred.

n other words, I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I am holding off from marriage simply because I am a curmudgeonly Scrooge eager to keep grasp of his equity (although would not be entirely inaccurate). No, I would also rather avoid the huge and emotionally-scarring devastation that divorce, separation, the loss of children and so on can render in a man’s life. I just don’t know that I have it in me—or have the inclination—to be intimate with a woman for seven years before the vicissitudes of her emotions cause her to have second thoughts and leave me with nothing.

Why would I make myself vulnerable, why would I risk wasting so many years, when I have so many other things I want to do?

Where Game Comes In

All that being said, where does that leave me as far as women are concerned? Well, I still want to be around women. I still want a sex life. I still want their affection and their company. And I don’t want to pay for the pleasure for the rest of my life. So I still need some measure of game.

Game, therefore, is not just for the guy in his twenties who’s living in a flatshare in Clapham or Bushwick. With the prevalence of divorce and with the growing number of guys who, like me, have chosen to avoid marriage, it is a skillset that’s increasingly required at all times of a man’s life.

In a series of articles about 40+ game this week, then, I want to explore some of the key questions that naturally arise here such as: what are the best game techniques a guy in his 40’s can employ? Where are the best venues (both physical and digital) for him to run his game? What kinds of women should he target, and what special considerations does he have that a younger PUA doesn’t?

Join me tomorrow when I’ll be outlining some key watch outs for guys gaming in their 40s. In the meantime, if you’re in the game at 40+ and would like to share your experiences and tips then please do so in the comments below.

To find out more about how to pull hot girls day or night at 40+ or any age buy my book The 7 Laws of Seduction

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Read More: London’s Crazy Marriage Market Is Messed Up

About the author


Johnny Noble - April 11, 2017

Great concept, love your work TF. I have much experience in this area. I was married for 17 years, now divorced. (I’m 53 and look probably a solid 6-7 years younger, decent looking and decent build. Nothing crazy remarkable like a GQ model) Your fears are spot on regarding marriage. As I was getting out of that prison, I developed a keen eye for spending time with hot girls. Here was my plan:
-get my ass back in seriously good shape. I’m a natural athlete, so it came easier and I was never in very bad shape. Now I’m pretty jacked at age 53.
-immaculate grooming. Skin, hair, teeth, dress, everything. In fact, I started a skin and hair care company around it. (Which is also a great way to meet women…)
-work on my game. I became ruthlessly fearless. I would talk to hot girls any time I got an opportunity. I looked at it like a hunter. Take your shots when you get them and don’t hesitate. My first major conquest was an ex-professional dancer (no, not a stripper, Flamenco) that I met in a grocery store. We talked about eggs. I got her number. Several weeks later, we were both naked in her bed.
-I also had an online account to maybe meet girls and find some decent ones. I was on POF. I was getting super sick of it because most of them are batshit crazy, but I did meet my current girl on there. She’s smoking hot and 16 years younger. Of course, even if it’s on line, you still need to be able to seal the deal.
-Be jacked and be a fucking man. Walk around with your head up and like you want to rip somebody’s fucking head off all the time and take shit from no human. Results will vary, but it works for me. (I’m actually a pretty nice guy too) People notice when you are fearless and aggressive and you just don’t give a fuck.
-I still talk to hot girls. Every day. I did it today in a coffee shop. Friday night in a dive bar I walked up to 5 hot girls and engaged them all. My friend said I was crazy. Maybe so, but I know I made at least one or two of them tingle a bit. Made them laugh too. Like I said, absolutely fearless. It’s the best way to get laid. I struggled a bit to figure out how to get the girl’s number I wanted and it just did not work out, but I tried and I was taking swings. No regrets here. There’s lots more too it, but gotta run. I hope this helps somebody out there in a similar situation. Regards, J

    tfadmin - April 13, 2017

    Hey man thanks so much for your comment, much appreciated! Thanks too for all the sound advice – sounds like you’re doing amazingly. Congrats of the flamenco dancer and the POF girl sounds decent too.

    Fearlessness is definitely the way forward – I reference that in a roundabout way in today’s article. Keep in touch and let us know how you’re getting on man.


      Johnny Noble - April 22, 2017

      Many thanks Troy. Love your work. It really has been an amazing time for me personally. I’ve always loved beautiful women. I married one and then it turned into a prison. Now I’m in a renaissance of sorts. Taking great care of myself, having some adventure, starting a company that I feel great about, and of course meeting beautiful women wherever I can. Keep up your great work. You are surely helping a lot of men out there of all ages and stages. Johnny.

Tom - April 12, 2017

Very interesting. I am 42 and just started with pick-up. Looking forward for the next articles. Most appriciated!

    tfadmin - April 13, 2017

    Hey, thanks for the comment. 42 is a great time to get into pick-up. I hope you’re enjoying the articles so far – keep me updated on your progress.


Henry - April 12, 2017

This topic is important and not touched upon enough in the community. As we age, we have certain advantages and disadvantages that we need to be made aware of. Good article.

    tfadmin - April 13, 2017

    Thank you for the comment. I do think it’s an area that’s not been touched on in much detail before and I think it deserves to be given attention. I hope you’re getting some value from the articles this week – please keep in touch and let me know how you’re getting on.



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